PACK
by Soulless Warlock
Summary: HarmonVerse! What happens when Jack's father asks Puck's mother out on a date? Well, a lot of things can happen and this series covers just about all of the things could in the life of the PACK family. R&R please.
1. Fell in Love On the First Date

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot to this story and my OCs. The rest all belongs to Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, Brad Falchuk, the various songwriters, and to the writers of any joke that may not be mine.**

**0000000000**

"Rachel!" Jack bellowed, charging into the music room. "My head's about to explode."

He slumped into his usual chair, positioned where Rachel and Finn normally sat, his head drooped over. This was a wordless signal to Rachel that he needed someone to rub his head.

"What's wrong?" Rachel asked, her hands massaging his head."This is going to be a repeat of the Bei-Sue, is it?"

Jack raised his head. "No," he said. "Though it's just as terrifying."

**00000000000**

"And that is why I should've been given the solo for this recital," Jack rambled to his father as they walked through the cathedral-style theater. "They wouldn't have even needed any music since I've got that covered as well."

Jack stopped dramatically.

"What'd you forget?" Kristopher Harmon asked his only child in a knowing manner.

"I didn't forget anything," Jack countered. "I've simply misplaced my dance shoes. The last time they went missing I found them in the toilet. I guess the bonenecks of McKinley's hierarchy wanted to send me a message about dancing and being in glee. Which is why…"

"Jackie," Kristopher interjected. "I shaved this morning and my beard is starting to grow back as fast as the Wolfman's."

"Someday we'll settle this, old man," Jack said playfully before dashing off to the backstage area.

"Goofball," Kristopher muttered, watching his son leave the room.

He turned around and that was when he saw her. She was an older woman, possibly in her early 40s, late 30s, he couldn't be sure. She was looking at the wall, photos of the dance students lining them.

"Which one is yours?" he asked.

She turned and looked him.

"Excuse me?" she asked.

"Of the kids, which one's yours?" he repeated.

The woman scanned the wall, her finger tracing the pictures.

"That one," she said, pointing to a girl with hair that matched hers and a similar smile. "Her name's Sarah."

Kristopher laughed lightly. "She'd be about eight, right? That's a great age."

"Which one is yours?" she asked.

"Oh, he's on the other side of the wall," Kristopher said, waving her over to the further side of the wall.

Jack, striking a pose in his white Michael Jackson style suit, his arrogant smile coming down on them.

"His name's Jonathan. He likes the name Jack though," he said.

"Jonathan's a good name," the woman stated. "Lisa Puckerman."

She extended her hand.

"Kristopher Harmon," he acknowledged, taking her hand and shaking it.

**00000000000**

"So, your father met Noah's mother?" Rachel inquired. "And this is a problem because?"

"My story isn't over yet," Jack said. "It gets worse."

**00000000000**

Kristopher and Lisa sat at an open table, wallets out as they discussed their children.

"I obviously had him a little bit later," Kristopher said. "But, I think it was the best choice I've ever made."

"I feel the same way about my Noah and Sarah," Lisa confessed. "Though Noah is a handful to say the least."

"Jack is the same way," Kristopher chuckled. "I remember this one time, he was so mad at his cousin, Leo, he put inflatable pool toys into the linings of his clothes and followed him around for a whole day with a remote control, waiting for him to be around enough people to push the button and humiliate him."

"Well, you should consider yourself lucky that your son just plays pranks," Lisa said, Kristopher nearly snorting at her observation. "My son just got out of juvie."

"You win," Kristopher drawled. "If you don't mind me asking, what'd he do?"

"Drove my car through a mini-mart and stole the ATM," Lisa replied.

Kristopher pursed his lips. She wanted to play that game, did she?

"My son once hacked into a supercomputer and changed laws in Alabama," Kristopher countered. "Made it illegal for bald people to vote," Kristopher saw the expression on Lisa's face. "I have no idea why, but the next one is even weirder. He made it legal for fat people to vote twice. Apparently, he wanted to start a war."

Lisa raised an eyebrow at the man, a bright smile that matched the smile Jack had flashed in the picture, although it lacked the arrogance. Still, he was a little odd.

"Anyways," he continued, "I really should go looking for my son; make sure he hasn't caused a riot if he's met any new people. He makes a terrible first impression."

"I'm sure Sarah hasn't even noticed that I'm not there," she said. "It was lovely talking to you, Kristopher."

She extended her hand to him.

"Before you go," Kristopher said. "If you wanted to meet up some other time, have a cup of coffee. Or a drink. Maybe…"

"Are you asking me out?" Lisa inquired.

"Yeah," Kristopher said. "Sorry if it sounds lame, I'm kind of out of practice. I haven't been on a date in 12 years."

"Good looking guy like you," she said, "I don't believe it."

"I take it you've had more practice with flirting 12 years," he replied, almost blushing. Harmon men do not blush.

"Not really," Lisa said. "I haven't been on a date in about 5 years."

"Ouch," Kristopher said. "I win this round."

"So, do I give you my number or you give me yours?"

"Um, whatever you're comfortable with."

Kristopher pulled out a notepad, offering it to her when he saw her reach for a pen.

"I'll call you," he said, smiling sheepishly.

"I look forward to it," Lisa said, walking away when she spotted her daughter, Sarah, cutting through the throng of girls, who were chattering away at ten thousand miles a minute.

Kristopher placed the notepad in his coat's left breast pocket, turning back to the doorway when he heard someone clapping.

"Nicely done, old man," Jack said, his shoes in his hand, now polished to a perfect sheen. "I leave you alone for five minutes and you pull out the old Harmon charm."

"That?" Kristopher asked, trying to wave it off. "No. How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough for you to divulge me as the cause of the short-lived Fatty-Baldy War."

"It was never gonna happen," Kristopher drawled, getting a glare from his son.

"So, who was she?" Jack asked. "I don't recall seeing her with any of the upperclassmen, so it's safe to guess she's one of the little ones' mothers."

"Yeah," Kristopher said. "Her name's Lisa."

"Awfully plain name for a woman who caught your eye," Jack said. "Does she have a surname attached to that?"

"Of course. It's Puckerman."

The final word in the sentence caused Jack to freeze in place.

"What did you just say her last name was?"

"Puckerman," Kristopher repeated.

"Dad," Jack began, his breath seizing up on him. "This is very important. How many kids does she have?"

"Two of them," Kristopher answered.

"A boy and a girl?"

"Yep."

"What is the boy's name?"

"I think she said it was Noah."

Now, for those of you who have seen _Star Trek: Wrath of Khan_, you know what sort of scream emitted from Jack's mouth and how many people in the universe heard it.

**00000000000**

In the present, Jack, now curled up in fetal position, affixed his head in order for Rachel to rub a missed spot.

"After he finished peeling me off of the walls," Jack pressed.

"Wait," Rachel said. "I'm sorry for interrupting, but do you mean that literally? Have you been playing with the Stretch Armstrong formula again?"

"No," Jack said defensively. "Actually, I was playing with the Slimer formula the last time that happened, but that is not the point."

By now, he had shot back up, his rage-filled eyes practically shooting laser beams. It was moments like this that Rachel silently thanked God that his diatribes about monkeys flying out his butt were just a crass form of hyperbole.

"Can I have your shoes?" his voice was surprisingly small.

"What?" Rachel bewildered at this request.

"I've pretty much polished my shoes to the point of ruin," he explained, pointing down to his feet. "I need to keep my hands distracted. If they're not, I may just go to jail for choking Puck."

He was not lying, his usually immaculate brown Ecco Berlin Bike Toe Loafers now looked so worn out that it would be unbelievable that Jack Harmon would wear such shoes.

"It's not Noah's fault your parents met," Rachel argued.

"He should've been watching her," Jack screeched. "I should've been watching my father. Five minutes with a Harmon man is enough for any woman to fall in love."

Jack dropped to the floor this time, his body contorting in a frenzy of terror and rage.

"Hey, Berry," a familiar voice called out. "You alone?"

"I wish I was," Rachel said under her breath.

Puck stepped into the music room, stopping when he saw Jack on the floor.

"You!" the two bellowed.

Jack sprang to his feet, his hands raised in a threatening manner. Puck returned a similar gesture.

"Your mother has no right…" he shouted, only to be countered by Puck's "You tell your dad to…"

The two were silenced again, no way were they going to let the other get the first word in. Rachel looked up from her book again, her eyes alternating between her best friend and her ex-boyfriend.

"Gentlemen, if I may intrude," she said.

There was no response. They were still at it.

"What would be so wrong if Jack's father and Noah's mother started dating?" Rachel asked.

"Everything!" Jack and Puck shouted in unison.

"Is it because you don't want your parent to date," Rachel pressed, "or is because you don't want your parents to date each other?"

"Rachel," Jack said. "I want my father to be happy, I really do. But, it can't be with his mother."

"What's wrong with my mother?"

"Nothing. Save for the fact she gave birth to you!"

Rachel inserted herself in between the two boys as Puck's fist cocked back. Jack seemed ready for a fight, quickly springing into an attack stance.

"Bring it on, Puckerman," Jack shouted. "I spend my weekends practicing the Mauy Tai."

"What?" Puck asked arrogantly. "Is that Korean for 'I'm gonna get my ass kicked'?"

"Boys!" Rachel shouted, effectively silencing the posturing males. "Jonathan," she shouted to her best friend, "you sit over there." She turned to Puck. "Noah, other side of the room."

Both boys looked down at the tiny Jewish girl who looked ready to lower the boom on them if they didn't obey. On any other day, both would be lying if they said it didn't turn them on a little to see this side of Rachel. But, at the moment, she looked kind of scary, so they obeyed.

"Now, the last thing I want to see is either one of you ending up in the hospital," Rachel said. "Noah, you are still on probation, and Jonathan, do you recall a promise you made on the stack of Judy Garland movies at the beginning of the year?"

"I did not anticipate this," Jack argued.

"Do you remember?"

"Yes!" Jack growled.

"Then I want you both to sit down and rationally handle this problem," commanded Rachel. "Understood?"

"Berry," Puck interjected.

"Understood."

Puck nodded. "By the way, Berry, I know you weren't trying for it, but this whole 'ordering me around' thing kind of makes me hot."

"Not now!"

Puck nodded, meowing at her seductively. Rachel turned away from Puck and returned to her seat. Jack looked at Puck, who returned his stare with the same venomous intent. Rachel moved the chair in-between the two riled up teenagers.

"I'll start with you, Noah," she said. "Why do you not want your mother going on a date with Jack's father?"

Puck clenched his jaw.

"Is it because of the fact that someone wants to date your mother?"

"No," Puck protested. "I want my mother to be happy…"

"Then find the nearest youth hostel and move out," Jack snapped from the corner, only to be rewarded by a Rachel Berry terror glare.

This effectively silenced the ego with legs and he turned away from the glaring girl.

"Continue," instructed Rachel.

"I want my mother to be happy," Puck looked over Rachel, making sure Jack didn't interrupt. "But, I don't want her to make any mistakes…"

"And you think dating Jack's father would be a mistake on her part?"

"Yeah, I think it would," Puck replied.

"Is it because you think that Mr. Harmon would hurt her?"

"Yeah."

"Excuse me," Jack interjected. "My father happens to be the most decent man on the planet; he would never hurt your mother."

"Really?" Puck asked.

"Yeah," Jack said.

"He's your dad, I'd expect you to defend him," Puck argued. "For all I know, he could be just like you."

The tenor took a breath.

"Look," he said, "it's obvious that neither one of us wants this date to happen. So, I'm going to offer you a chance to stop this romance plane before it gets off the ground."

Puck turned back to Jack.

"Cause the last thing I want is for us to be the next Hummer and Gigantor," he explained. "I'm willing to work against this if you are."

"Wait a second," Rachel said.

"Zip it, woman!" Jack exclaimed, covering Rachel's mouth.

Rachel countered by biting Jack's hand. He released his grip on the tiny girl's mouth.

"You bit me!" he shouted.

"No shit, Captain Obvious," Puck quipped.

"Shut it, Puckerman," Jack snapped. "Do you want my help or not?"

"If it means I don't have you for a stepbrother, I'll work with Xenu," Puck said, extending his hand to Jack, who took it.

"Close enough," Jack proclaimed.

"It's just one date though," Rachel protested. "One date does not mean they're gonna get married."

"Rachel," Jack said, "my father is going to turn sixty-two in about two weeks, believe me, he's not planning on wasting any time."

"Yeah, people our parents' age don't take the time to make their relationships meaningful," Puck said, no doubt missing the irony of the fact he was making such a statement.

"I usually don't agree with Fagin over here, but when you're right you're right," Jack said.

"What did you call me?"

"Not important," Jack said. "Let's roll, Puckerman."

"Because I am anything but that," Puck declared, following after Jack.

Rachel watched them vanish from the room, leaving her to scratch her head at the formation at this bizarre and unholy alliance.

"It's just one date," she squeaked before sitting down, let out an annoyed sigh, and returning to her book.

**00000000000**

Jack looked up from the menu at one of the more high-end restaurants on the outskirts of Lima. He readjusted his tie, which now made his gray Calvin Klein suit look even more perfect than it had been when he picked it out earlier in the day.

'Fashion plate. Talented singer. Brilliant actor. Rich and gorgeous. Is there anything I'm not good at?' he mused to himself. 'Besides picking accomplices.'

He had managed to snag a last minute reservation when the previous couple canceled. Well, they didn't so much as cancel as not show up. That sort of thing happens when you find out that someone has sunk their private yacht. Not he, or Mohawk Jew, had anything to do with it, it just sort of happened by happy coincidence.

Jack surveyed the distance and trajectory between the table he was sitting at and where his father and Mrs. Puckerman were stationed. It was close enough for him to see what was going on, but far back enough for him to not be spotted.

He was soon joined by Puck, who raced from the kitchen to the table, out of breath.

"What the hell is this?" he asked, observing Puck's idea of formal attire, a black hoodie and matching sweatpants. "And the entrance? I told you I had gotten us reservations."

"No you didn't," Puck screeched, thankful no one he knew could hear him.

Jack grinned. "Oh yeah, I didn't. I told Rachel."

"She's here?"

"Of course," Jack said, biting his lip. "To be honest, I think she needed to get out of the house. Ever since she and Finn broke up, she's been isolated. I figured it would be good for her to have a nice dinner with a friend."

"We're not here to eat," Puck said. "We're here to make sure this first date doesn't turn into a second one."

"I know," Jack confessed. "I can multitask."

"Mr. Harmon," the maître-d called out to Jack's table. "That young man broke into this…"

"It's okay, Reynolds," Jack said, slipping some money into the older man's hand. "He's with me."

"So, what's the plan?" Puck asked as the snotty waiter turned away, waving off the security.

"Thought you'd never ask," Jack said.

**00000000000**

"Don't look now," Kristopher cautioned, "but, I think our sons are watching us."

Lisa almost turned, but Kristopher grabbed her hand.

"Don't," he said. "They'll notice."

Lisa laughed, looking back at Kristopher, whose white hair was shining in the dim lights of the restaurant.

"I think we've run into something of a roadblock," Kristopher said. "My son apparently doesn't like your son."

"But, they're in glee club together," Lisa stated.

"Just because you're on the same team with someone doesn't mean you like 'em," he said sagely. "I think they're trying to sabotage this date."

"Why would they?"

"Imagine if your father dated the mother of the person you hated the most."

Lisa nodded.

"So, what do you have planned?" she asked, smiling devilishly.

Kristopher moved in closer, whispering in her ear. He caught a sniff of her perfume and had to pull back quickly.

"I like that plan," she said. "Guilt is the perfect weapon."

"May not work as well on my son as it would on yours, but it's worth a shot."

Kristopher watched her smile, it was electrifying. Considering that he was a 61-year-old man who had suffered from two heart attacks in the past, electricity could be a good thing or a bad thing. But, he was willing to wager that this sort of electricity would be just fine.

**00000000000**

"You put what in his underwear?" Puck asked, stunned that Jack Harmon had gone for such a simple trick.

"I didn't stutter, did I, Rachel?" he queried toward his best friend.

"I'm not a part of this," Rachel stated. "I'm here for the meal. If you two wanna mess this up for your parents, you'll have to do it without me."

"I put itching powder in his underwear," Jack said. "Now, that may seem simple at first glance. But, it is merely step one of my plan."

He took a breath, pausing for dramatic effect. Puck glared at him before he continued.

"Step two: Depending on how well the night goes, there will, no doubt, be some nookie. Especially if your mother is anything like you."

"Watch it, Harmon," Puck growled. "Probation or not, you and Karofsky are on the top of list of people to go Death Star on."

"I hope I'm number one," Jack said smugly. "To continue. By the time his boxers come off, he'll have scratched himself so red; he'll look like a Snork that's gone through a domestic dispute. Any woman in her right would look at that and never want to see him again."

Rachel's salad bits dropped out of her mouth as Jack concluded his plan.

"That is disgusting," she said.

"That's stupid," Puck added. "First of all, it's not gonna get that far. Second, your plan sucks. We need something that makes a scene and makes them know they shouldn't be together."

"Okay," Jack conceded, a look of annoyance mixed with sarcasm in his eyes. "What's your plan, O Great One?"

**00000000000**

"So, he put itching powder in your underwear?" Lisa asked, trying her hardest not to laugh as Kristopher led her to the dance floor.

"Yep, but I caught on," Kristopher said. "He thinks he's slick, but he forgets I've seen every trick there is and probably did them twice. Plus, he's never been good with improvisation."

Lisa laughed, extending her hands out for Kristopher to take the lead.

"Ready to roll?" he asked.

"Yes, I am," she replied.

Kristopher spun her out onto the dance floor as the music began to play. Counted the beats before he began to sing in a level and strong baritone:

_"We've just been introduced, I do not know you well, but when the music started something drew me to your side. _

The older couple moved slowly, as if they had no idea of what the dance would entail.

_"So many men and girls are in each others' arms," _Kristopher crooned._ "It made me think we might be similarly occupied." _

Kristopher let go of her for a second, pulling her back into his arms on the last note.

_"Shall we dance?" _he asked. _"On a bright cloud of music shall we fly? Shall we dance? Shall we then say," _Kristopher tapped Lisa on the nose playfully as they moved across the floor, _"'Goodnight and mean 'Goodbye'?" _

His eyes lit up as the lyrics came rushing from his brain to his lips.

_"Or perchance, when the last little star has left the sky," _they circled each other, their hands only inches away apart,_ "shall we still be together with are arms around each other and shall you be my new romance?" _

Kristopher dipped Lisa and pondered aloud: _"On the clear understanding that this kind of thing can happen: Shall we dance? Shall we dance? Shall we Dance?" _

**00000000000**

"Still wanna break this up?" Rachel inquired at the slack-jawed Jack and Puck. "I think it's romantic."

Jack raised his hand in Rachel's face.

"Silence, She Who is Alone," he growled before screaming in pain and grabbing his ankle. "Those heels hurt."

"Serves you right," Rachel said.

"This is disgusting," Jack said. "They're using _The King and I_ in some vain attempt to make us feel guilty."

"I thought you said they couldn't see us," Puck said mockingly.

"Oh, my father can see us," Jack said. "He wouldn't be putting on such a display if he couldn't." He quickly turned to Puck. "Stay strong, Fagin, don't let your inborn Jew guilt get the better of you."

"I know!" Puck rasped, looking at how happy his mother looked on the dance floor.

**00000000000**

"You're doing great," Kristopher whispered to Lisa. "You wanna take the lead?"

Lisa's eyes went wide. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Take the lead," he repeated. "I'll count."

Lisa smiled and took the lead, singing, _"__Shall we dance?__"_

_"One, two, three and?" _Kristopher counted.

_"__On a bright cloud of music shall we fly?__" _Lisa added, spinning around Kristopher, who caught her.

_"One, two, three and?" _

_"__Shall we dance?__" _she asked, her legs a little limber as she and Kristopher moved across the floor.

_"One, two, three and?"_

_"__Shall we then say "Goodnight and mean "Goodbye"?__"_ Lisa couldn't help but laugh. This was kind of fun.

_"One, two, three and?" _

_"__Or perchance, when the last little star has left the sky,__" _Lisa inquired,_ "__shall we still be together with are arms around each other and shall you be my new romance?__"_

She spun herself, her back pressing against Kristopher's chest.

_"__On the clear understanding that this kind of thing can happen…__"_

Lisa twirled out of the older man's arms, singing with him.

**_"Shall we dance? Shall we dance? Shall we Dance?" _**

The music came to an end as the seated costumers applauded the couple. Lisa blushed at this sight.

"We're a hit," Kristopher said confidently. "You've got a natural talent for this,"

Lisa couldn't help, but smile like the Cheshire cat. She hadn't had this much fun in a long time. Unfortunately, the fun was ruined when she saw Noah storming out of the restaurant, accidently plowing Kristopher's son, who was screaming, from what she could tell, profanities in various foreign languages, to the ground.

**00000000**

"I should check…" Lisa said.

"Go," Kristopher said. "I'll handle Jack."

Lisa moved from the dance floor and followed after her son while Kristopher pivoted his head around to face his son, who was smiling sheepishly. He stepped back, whispering something in Rachel's ear.

**00000000**

"Get ready to distract him," Jack ordered, his feet nearly digging into the ground.

"By doing what?" Rachel asked, annoyed at Jack's command.

"I don't know," he said. "Talk about animal rights. That always put me to asleep."

Jack turned to run, only for Rachel to swing a leg out and trip him. Jack's head slammed off of the floor for the second time in less than three minutes and rolled onto his back.

"Hello, Jack," he heard his father say, the lights in the room flickering on and off.

"Hi, Dad," he said in a shaking voice. "Hey, can you tell them to stop flickering the lights on and off?"

**00000000**

Lisa found Puck standing out in the parking lot. He was half-heartedly trying to get into his truck, she feel the hurt from all the way over the space that separated mother from son. You spend 11 hours trying to squeeze a head that big out of you; you tend to bond with the child.

"Noah!" she called out to her son.

Puck stopped, one of his legs in the truck, and turned to face his mother. He hated what he felt was coming. He'd do something stupid; she'd scold him and use the guilt trip, and make him repeat the process, lather, rinse, and repeat. He knew the spiel by heart by now.

"Mom," he began, "before you even get started; I had a very good reason for showing up here tonight."

As he said this, he turned to face the older woman, realizing that she hadn't even bothered to grab a jacket.

"Mom," he said, reaching into his truck and pulling out his jacket. "Nana would kill you if she saw you doing this."

"It's not that cold out," Lisa protested as her son draped the coat over her shoulders. "You said you had a good reason for being here?" she said. "So spill."

Puck waited for a moment, as if trying to find the right words that would both tell his mother what he wanted to say and get himself out of trouble at the same time.

"Is it because I went on a date?" she asked, giving him the room he needed to speak.

"Yes," he said, seeing the stunned look on her face. "No. It's not that. I know Dad isn't coming back," he pressed, "and I want you to be happy, but...I don't know how to say this…If you keep dating Harmon's dad, you could end up marrying him and that would mean I'm stuck with Harmon for, like, ever."

Lisa nodded.

"And I know that sounds selfish," he said, "because the last thing I've ever wanted was for you to be alone."

Lisa reached out and hugged her son.

"Noah," she said. "I love you."

"I love you too, Mom," he said.

"And I understand why you'd be upset about that possibility," she continued. "But, sweetie, it's just one date. I'm not planning on a wedding yet."

"That's what Rachel said," Puck recalled.

"Maybe you should listen to her," Lisa suggested. "I like Kristopher a lot. And I want to continue seeing him, but I won't if you don't want to."

"I didn't say that," Puck argued. "For all I know, Harmon's dad could be a good guy."

"He is."

"What I said was I don't want Harmon to be a part of my life no more than he already is."

"Isn't that a problem you two should work out?" Lisa inquired.

Puck nodded. She was right. She was always right.

"Now, let's get inside before we both freeze to death."

"I thought you said it wasn't that cold out?"

"I was lying, smart-ass."

**00000000**

While this was going on, Kristopher had cleared out the kitchen and tossed his son into a chair while he recovered from his all-expenses paid trip to the land of the restaurant floor.

"How you feeling, buddy?" the older man asked.

Jack's eyes fluttered open.

"I'm seeing colors now," Jack rambled. "I see snow. Bright snow."

"That's my hair, genius," Kristopher quipped.

Jack shook his head.

"I am going to have to have a talk with God," Jack said. "Making snow of hair now? That's silly."

"I'm beginning to think I should've taken you to the hospital," Kristopher muttered to himself. "Jack, can you hear me?"

"What?" Jack said, blinking a few more times. "The spin is rooming."

"Wait a couple of seconds," his father instructed.

Jack shook his head.

"How do you feel now?"

"Like I just hit my head off of the floor."

"Because you did," Kristopher said. "Now, the big question is: why are you here, hitting your head off of the hardwood floor of this restaurant where I happen to be having a date?"

Jack gritted his teeth, trying to avoid eye contact with his angry father.

"That's awfully specific," he replied.

"Let's start small then," Kristopher stated, grabbing a chair and taking a seat across from his son. "Why are you here?"

"I was enjoying a nice meal with friends," Jack said, "when one of them turned on me."

"You do know Rachel told me the real reason why you're here?"

"Yes, but I was hoping that bump to the head would give me the powers of persuasion like that chick on _Heroes_," Jack confessed. "I guess not."

"And you'd be right," Kristopher said. "I think we really need to talk."

"Then talk," Jack said, his expression back to the stone-like appearance everyone was used too.

"I just want to hear from your mouth why you don't want me dating," Kristopher said, his tone having leveled out.

"I have no problem with you dating, Dad," Jack said. "It's just…that woman and her son…Actually, just her son. Do you remember when I used to get thrown into dumpsters?"

Kristopher nodded.

"He was the leader of the pack," Jack continued. "I don't think I could…" he rubbed the bruise on his forehead. "I don't want to think that I could end with him in my life on a permanent basis."

"You do know this is just one date?" Kristopher asked, arching an eyebrow at his son. "And just because I like Lisa does not mean I'll marry her."

"I know that," Jack said.

"And this thing between you and Noah," the older man pressed. "You two need to work it out. I like Lisa and I want to keep seeing her. And I am going to do so. That means there are gonna be some changes and I want you to be a part of that."

Jack couldn't argue with his father's logic.

"So, you gonna admit you're acting like a presumptuous loon?" Kristopher inquired.

Jack pursed his lips. "The day I admit that is the day you decide to tweeze those eyebrows. I swear, one of them tried to come after me one night."

"Watch it, boy, the trait's genetic."

**00000000**

Puck and Lisa reentered the restaurant as Jack and Kristopher exited the kitchen.

"Is everything good?" Lisa asked, handing the jacket back to Puck.

"It's good," Kristopher confirmed. "How 'bout you two?"

"We're good," Lisa replied.

"Jack," Kristopher said, "meet Lisa Puckerman. Lisa, this is Jack."

Jack extended his hand and shook Lisa's hand.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," she said.

Jack tilted his head to the side. "Oh my God, you are tiny. How in the hell did you give birth this thing?" he asked, pointing at Puck. "I've seen women your size that have had kids, completely blew out their O-ring."

"Oh, you son of a-" Puck shouted, throwing himself at Jack.

Kristopher dove in between Jack and Puck, hooking the bigger boy's arm.

"Noah," Lisa said strongly. "We talked about this."

Puck growled.

"I told you he always gives a bad first impression," Kristopher said, looking to Lisa. "I promise, you get use to it after awhile."

Kristopher released Puck.

"Now," he said. "Noah, is it? If your mother has no problem with it, I'd like to see her again."

He looked over to Lisa.

"Why not," she shrugged playfully.

"And if that's going to happen," Kristopher continued, "we need to know you two can get along. Not like each other. Just get along."

Jack and Puck exchanged glances, the kind that said, "If we were the last two people on this planet…I'd kill him and live out the rest of my life in peace."

Instead of wording it exactly as they were thinking it, Jack and Puck decided to simply nod their heads to say, "You got it."

"Now, shake hands," Lisa said out of nowhere.

Puck extended his hand; Jack did the same, both wishing they had hand buzzers to catch their foe off-guard. The handshake went off without a hitch.

'I will destroy you!' Jack snarled mentally.

'You are about to board the Puck Express. Destination: Pain!' Puck shot from his head.

"Now, if you'll excuse us," Kristopher said. "We have a date to get back too."

With that the older couple walked off, leaving their sons alone. Neither Jack nor Puck had released their grip on the others' hand. They stood there in silence, ignoring the fact that the other people in the restaurant were staring at them, and glared at each other.

'This plan was a real wash,' Jack thought.

'This plan sucked,' Puck observed. 'Well, at least, Berry…'

No sooner had he thought that did Rachel appear. She had a smug look on her face. The boys let go of each others' hands and turned to the tiny girl standing before them.

"So," she began.

"Not a word, Rachel," Jack said, his hand raised in a silencing manner.

She turned to Puck.

"Did you learn…?"

"For once, I completely agree with Harmon," Puck said, "be quiet."

"I guess this won't be as hard as I thought it would," Jack confessed.

"I would rather bait a crocodile with my junk," Puck snapped.

"I can always get you into the zoo if you want to follow through on that promise," Jack countered.

"Wanna talk about promises…"

Kristopher and Lisa watched their sons walk off, tossing insult back and forth while Rachel followed them, trying to get a word in edgewise.

"Think it was a good idea to leave them alone?" Lisa asked.

"Yeah," Kristopher said nonchalantly. "They have to work this thing out on their own."

They returned to their meal.

"As I was saying…" Lisa said.

And that is what became known in the annals of Glee club and the Puckerman-Harmon family as the first ever PACK family outing.

**00000000**

**A/N: Finally finished. This took me longer than I thought it would. And I don't even like it as much as I thought I would. Still, I'll leave for you guys to decide. Include your critiques, comments, compliments, whatever opinions you have in the box that pops up after you pressed the button on the bottom center of the page. Until then, I want to wish everyone a good morning, good afternoon, good night, and good luck as well as happy holidays. **


	2. From the Moment He was Born

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, that honor goes to Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, and Brad Falchuk, nor do I own any of the songs featured in this story, that goes to their writers, record companies, and artists.**

**00000000000**

**Timeline: 2014.**

**00000000000**

The lights at the Harmon household turned on in the master bedroom.

"Kristopher," Lisa Rosenberg-Puckerman-Harmon's voice carried out of the massive house and into the entire street, "I think it's time."

Kristopher, her husband of two years, sat up, instantly regretting it as he did. At 65, one needed to stretch a little before making any sudden movements.

"Time?" he asked. "As in…? Oh God!" He sprang to his feet, rushing toward the door. "Don't panic."

Kristopher swung open the door, forgetting to close his bathrobe, which he flung around himself in the rush to get of the room.

"SARAH! NOAH! JACK!" he screamed. "It's Lisa, she's having the baby."

Puck was the first to respond to his hysterical stepfather. He staggered out of his room, unsure of what was going.

"Noah," Kristopher shouted as he rounded the corner of the house's long hallway. "I need you to call Dr. Vargas, tell her that…"

"AHHHHH!"

"Noah, this is no time to panic. Your mother is having the baby."

"It ain't that, man. You aren't wearing any underwear!"

Kristopher shut his robe as Sarah walked out of her room, rubbing away her eye crust.

"What's going on?"

Puck pushed by Kristopher. "Mom's having the baby."

"Right," Sarah said, turning back into her room.

Puck's words sudden stampeded through her mind like an angry monkopotomus that hadn't been fed.

"She's what?" Sarah twirled around, tripping over her own feet.

Puck groaned, reminding himself to ask how his sister could be such a graceful dancer on stage and gigantic klutz off of it later. At the moment, he had more important things to do…he had to…he had to…

"WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?"

"Call the doctor," Sarah shouted, hopping to her feet. "I'll get Mom." She turned to see Kristopher darting down the hall. "Where are you going?"

"To find Jack," he returned the shout from the steps. "He's the one who knows the fastest routes to the hospital."

The Puckerman siblings bolted off into separate directions to fulfill their objectives, cringing when they heard someone fall to the ground.

"Kris?" Puck called out. "You alright?"

"I'll live," Kristopher groaned from the bottom of the stairs. "Who the hell built this place?"

"I think you did, actually," Puck muttered under his breath before darting back into his room to get his cell phone.

**00000000000**

Downstairs, Kristopher shoved his firstborn up the stairs leading from the basement to the kitchen.

"Okay! Okay! Okay!" the blonde 20 year old exclaimed as he finished tucking in his shirt. "If you'd have let me finish, I would've said, my maps are in my safe."

"Why didn't you say that earlier?" Kristopher was freaking out. It had been years since he had had to do this and he wanted to make sure everything was just right. "Get back down there! Get back down there!"

Jack couldn't take it anymore. He hauled back and slapped his father in the face. A stunned Kristopher returned the slap in kind. Jack fired another across the red mark he'd left earlier. Kristopher would've returned the slap, but Jack blocked him and thus began the oh-so mature slap-fight in the middle of the kitchen.

"Um," a new voice ended the battle, "as much fun as this is, we kind of need to get moving."

The two Harmon men turned to see Lisa, hunched over in pain, Sarah on her left, holding her overnight bag, and Puck on her right, hand raised.

"Dr. Vargas said she'll meet us there," he said, darting toward the key rack and grabbing Kristopher's keys.

He tossed them to his stepdad, who had regained some of his lost composure in the fleeting seconds when his wife entered the kitchen.

"I'll get my maps," Jack said, vanishing down into the basement.

"Hurry," encouraged Lisa, grabbing her full stomach. "Oh, boy, this one wants out."

"Mom, are you alright?" Sarah asked, the teenager unsure if she would hurt the baby if she touched her mother.

"I'm fine, Sarah," Lisa replied. "I am just reminding myself that I never want to go through this living hell again."

Puck and Sarah exchanged looks over their hunched over mother.

"No offense," she amended.

"None taken," Puck returned dryly. "Sarah's was the worst."

"No, it wasn't, yours was."

"How the hell would you know? You weren't even there."

"Still happy you married me?" Lisa asked Kristopher as she waddled over to him.

"Just think of it like this," Kristopher said. "In a couple of years, the boys will be out of the house, and she'll be in college."

"But, we'll still have a four-year-old."

"True. However, four-year-olds are easy to manipulate."

"Noted."

Kristopher put his arm around his wife, before she groaned again.

"Jack, where the HELL are those maps?" Lisa roared, grabbing Kristopher's hand and squeezing down.

Now, one thing, Kristopher had remembered from April's pregnancy and that was that pregnant have the strength of the Incredible Hulk fused with Superman, so that would be the reason why he was currently on the floor, crying in pain, Lisa's hand still attached to his.

Jack chose this time to bolt up the stairway, maps in hand. "I got 'em…Dad, seriously, now is not the time to nap."

"I hate children," Kristopher muttered, pulling himself to his feet and following his family out of the house.

**00000000000**

Puck, Sarah, and Jack wished Lisa and Kristopher luck as she was wheeled into the delivery room. When the couples vanished from sight, Jack slumped into a nearby chair in the ER, his hair as rumpled as his suit.

"Do you think it's too soon?" Puck asked. "Remember Beth was born early…"

Jack looked over at Puck. "The kid's three weeks late. Trust me; it'll be as healthy as you or I."

Puck raised an eyebrow at Jack.

"I don't mean mentally."

"Don't you think it's a little rude to call our little brother or sister an 'it'?" Sarah pondered aloud.

"Blame Mr. Don't Wanna Know over there." Puck's statement was directed at Jack.

"I thought it would be a good idea to wait." Someone was defensive tonight. "That way we appreciate it without putting any sort of expectations on the kid."

"Yeah, but we've arguing for the last nine months about what to name it."

"Excuse me," a new voice interjected their way into the conversation.

The PACK family did a dramatic about face toward the voice.

"Do you mind not doing that in the emergency room?" a glacier of a woman in nurses' scrubs crowed. "There are people in pain here."

Jack stood up in the chair to look over the woman possibly responsible for the global climate change. She wasn't lying; the ER occupants were glaring at three of them. The guy with the egg beater sticking out of his ear looked especially pissed.

"Hey," Puck snarled, "you're not family, stay the hell out of this."

"Well, I never…" the nurse stammered.

"Not with anyone in their right mind," Puck countered almost out of instinct.

A couple of the people in the ER snickered while the others were burning holes in the petulant Jewish man and his siblings.

"Sarah," Jack got the 14-year-old's attention, "Attack Plan Spock."

Sarah, who had caught a look at the angry patients, tapped Puck on the shoulder. Puck whipped around as Jack landed a Vulcan nerve pinch on the older man. Puckasaurus tumbled backwards into his brother's arms.

"We apologize," Sarah said, saving Jack from having to make the apology and making sure no one would come after Puck.

The two slinked into the waiting room in the maternity wing, Jack dragging Puck through the double doors.

"Make sure you don't…" Sarah stopped talking when she heard Puck's head smack into the doors. "…hit his head." She rolled her eyes. "Never mind."

**00000000000**

"I gotta say it," Jack commented from the bench, tossing the world's smallest superball at the ceiling, catching it successfully when it flew back into his direction, "if it's a girl, we're using my suggestion."

"We are not naming her Yohena!" a recovered Puck shouted, clutching his throbbing head, chiding himself to not yell next time. "I'm all for bringing back the Jew names, but that one…no."

"Okay," Jack said. "What about boys' names?"

"Easy, Joshua," Puck stated.

"I like it. Though I do like Moses a little more," Jack said, his hand catching the superball before it could land on the ground.

Sarah arched an eyebrow at Jack before turning to Puck.

"No!" they declared together.

"I am a man without a country," Jack said, returning to his superball.

Puck took notice of his stepbrother doing this…it brought back a familiar memory.

"Didn't you learn your lesson the last time you played with that?"

"What lesson?"

Jack dropped his hand when he asked this question and superball went right into his open mouth. The tenor gagged, shooting up from the bench and gasping for air. Puck reacted as he had done three months earlier, using the Heimlich on the suit-wearing singer, dislodging the superball. The toy fell to the ground in front of them.

"What a day," Jack rasped. "I get a new sibling and a sneak peak of Jesus."

Jack dropped to his knees, picking up the superball. He stood up to see Puck and Sarah staring at him incredulously.

"What?"

"You're still keeping that after it's almost killed you twice?" Sarah voiced hers and Puck's shared confusion.

"Hey," Jack raised his hand, his voice still raspy as he struggled for air, "I paid 400 bucks for this thing. I'm not gonna let a little thing like a near-death experience make me get rid of it."

"And just think," Puck groaned, "part of him is going to be a part of our new brother or sister."

Sarah raised her hand, Puck and her exchanging a high-five.

"I knew you had a smart smartass comment in you," Sarah said, smiling smugly at a glaring Jack.

**00000000000**

Now, in a television, it would take only a couple of minutes (or one badass musical number using a song by Queen. You know the one I'm talking about) for the newest PACK baby to be born. However, this was reality, so the two young adults (though that label could be contested) and the one teenager, were left waiting for one hour…two hours…three fours…bordering on four when they all decided to split up. Puck exited the waiting room, while Sarah made sure Jack wouldn't cause any trouble when she left him alone to head down to the cafeteria, and Jack was left in the waiting room, pondering about the future to come for the latest addition to the familial hodgepodge known as the PACK. And he was kind of kicking himself for coming up with the name at the wedding nearly two years ago.

**00000000000**

Puck normally hated hospitals. I mean, who actually likes them? Well, freaks, maybe, but that wasn't the point. He had spent his fair share of time in the hospital in his life, little things, stitches, a broken wrist one time, that sort of thing, and he had never liked going.

But, there was one place that you could ever find in a hospital that you couldn't find anywhere else in the world. And that was the maternity ward.

He turned the corner heading into said ward, stopping when he saw a brand new father standing in front of the window as the nurse cleaned off a baby girl. Puck propped himself against the wall and studied the scene.

Every time he was in the hospital, he would stop by it. It was a place that he had discovered over four years ago and, despite every reason to not go back, he would look in on the brand new lives only hours, maybe minutes into beginning, and he would think.

The things he would think about were not really important to the passerby or anyone else in the hospital. But, his family knew what ran through his head when he was there. He would think of Beth, of Quinn, of Shelby, the mistakes they had all made.

The sight of these new children that made him remember that there was still hope in the world. The parents of the newborns, no doubt, had made their share screw-ups in their lives, but they were blessed by whatever force guided the universe with something we so rarely get in a pure manner: Hope that we can fight for a better world because there was another generation to fight for. It was something that kept him going since he last saw Shelby and Beth.

**00000000000**

Sarah flipped through the pages of World's Biggest Baby Name Book, wishing she had dragged Noah or Jack with her just to carry the damn thing. Her new brother…Yes, she knew it was a boy…Amazing what the puppy-dog pout could do to Kristopher, who had never had a daughter before she came along…needed a name, a name that showed that he was from a truly badass family.

As much as Noah was a poser, he did have his moments, and Jack was, well, he was Jack Harmon. Their parents were easily the two coolest cats on the planet, so the tether to the family had to have something that made him fit in perfectly. Still, despite having known the sex of the baby for over five months, she hadn't found a name.

She sat back, placing her reading glasses on the table, resting the back of her head against her hands.

'What's it gonna be, Puckerman?' she thought.

Compared to keeping the secret for Noah and Jack, this should be considered a cakewalk…And that had been a living hell.

Ironically, she had picked up so many tricks from the two older boys that she was able to keep this secret for as long as she had. That still hadn't helped her concoct a fitting name for the baby boy.

Sarah sat back up and looked down at the book, tilting her head at the name that she had looked over before and had brushed it to the side. But, now that she looked at it again, it actually made sense especially for this family.

Smiling, Sarah shut the book and opened it again, it was time to find a middle name.

**00000000000**

It had been over five hours since Kristopher and Lisa had gone into the delivery room and, despite his best efforts…meaning that he had truly done everything in his power…to stay awake, Jack was stretched out on a couch in the waiting room and was fast asleep.

This notoriously light sleeper felt a presence standing over him.

"Hey," a voice roused Jack from his nap, "need a pick-me-up?"

Jack opened his eyes, looking up toward the source.

"I brought you some coffee."

The small hand moved the coffee cup around Jack's nose. His vision realigned and he saw Rachel standing over him. Two questions entered his mind: how did she know he needed coffee? And what was she doing here?

"Rachel," best get the most obvious question out of the way, "what're you doing here?"

"Noah texted me," she answered.

One down.

"I should kick his ass for waking you up." Jack sat up and took the coffee. "You didn't have to come."

"Of course I did," Rachel argued. "It's the newest addition to your family. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I wasn't here for the birth." She pointed to the coffee in his hand. "I also figured you'd need that."

Jack laughed, taking a sip of the coffee. "You know, you really know me better than anyone." He craned his head toward her and kissed her on the cheek. "What time is it?"

"Well, Noah texted me at two in the morning," Jack opened his mouth to make another threat, "I was awake. It took me about 20 minutes to get here…"

"You don't live that far from here."

"It took that long to find the right kind of coffee for you," she said. "I know how bad you are when it's wrong."

"Gonna throw the Lima Bean incident in my face now?"

Rachel rested her head on Jack's shoulder. "Maybe."

"They should've gotten it right," he growled under his breath.

"Drink your coffee," Rachel commanded.

Jack put his arm around Rachel as they reclined and silently waited for the newest debut in his family.

**0000000000**

Sarah and Puck had returned to the waiting room to find Jack resting his head on Rachel's knees while she ran her fingers through his hair while his feet kept tapping on the ground impatiently. And also, like he had had too much coffee.

"It's the only way to keep me awake," Jack had explained.

"And drinking seven cups of coffee certainly helps too," Rachel added.

"You have been speeding too much time with my brother," Sarah said as Puck snickered at Rachel's surprise quip.

"Any news?" Puck asked, flopping back into another chair.

"No," Jack answered. "I also think I scared a nurse and someone from the maintenance staff."

"In other words, they don't want to come in here cause you're a scary bastard?" Puck asked, a glib smile on his face.

"Yeah," Jack nodded.

Puck turned to Rachel. "You know anything?"

Rachel nodded. "After Jack's last outburst," Jack glared at Rachel, "I told the nurse on call to let me know when your newest sibling makes his or her debut."

Puck raised his hand and Rachel did the same, high-fiving each other. Jack sat up, looking over at Sarah.

"Can you back me up here?" he pleaded.

"No," Sarah shook her head, "you pick on me all the time, so I think this is all very funny."

Jack shook his head and exited the room.

"Want me to go after him?" Rachel asked.

"He probably won't go too far," Puck observed. "He's more excited about this than anyone else."

No sooner did Puck say this did Jack come tumbling back into the room.

"The baby's here!" he shouted triumphantly.

**0000000000**

The trio of PACK siblings and their hanger-on entered into the bedroom in the maternity ward. Lisa was lying in bed, clearly spent and exhausted, but had an ear-to-ear smile on her face. In the chair across from her bed, Kristopher was holding the squirming bundle in his arms, rocking back and forth. He looked up to see that his kids had a new companion.

"Rachel," he said, "when did you get here?"

"Probably two hours ago," Rachel replied, dousing her hands in hand sanitizer.

"Thanks," he added.

"I wouldn't have missed this for anything," Rachel said. "Maybe to meet Barbra, but nothing else."

Kristopher chuckled before returning his attention to his newborn.

"Mom," Sarah said, stepping toward the bed. "How you feeling?"

Lisa laughed weakly. "Pretty good," she said. "Kind of want them to put the baby back in." Puck arched an eyebrow, as did Jack. "At least I know he's safe there."

"It's a boy?" Puck's eyes flashed, turning and smiling at an annoyed Jack, who reached into his pocket and handed Puck five dollars.

"You two were making bets?" Rachel said scandalized.

In a rare moment, Jack rolled his eyes at Rachel. "Like we don't bet on everything else."

"And he loses every time," Puck added.

"That is a good point," Rachel said with a shrug.

"And now comes the 64 thousand dollar question," Kristopher's deep voice cut them off from any other topic of conversation, "what's this young man's going to be?"

He handed the baby to his wife, who seemed rejuvenated when the infant was placed in her arms.

"Because he and his mother need their rest and we want him to sleep with a name," Kristopher eyed both of his sons, who exchanged looks.

"We, uh," Puck stammered.

"We didn't really get a chance to…" was Jack's oh-so eloquent defense.

"His name is James," Sarah said. "James Asher Harmon."

Kristopher and Lisa exchanged looks before turning their gaze to their new son.

"How's that sound, James?" Lisa asked, getting a gurgle from the sleepy infant.

"I think he likes it," Kristopher said.

"James Asher Harmon," Jack said. "You know, with a name like that, he's gonna need a nickname? Considering that I'm the only one here with a proper nickname."

"Jack-Ass isn't a proper nickname," Puck said mockingly.

"Bite me," Jack countered, punctuated it with a venomous, "Puck!"

"Are they seriously trying to get thrown out of here?" Sarah asked Rachel.

"At this point, I don't know," the diva replied.

"Give us the nickname," Lisa commanded.

"How about Jamie?"

"Do you like that idea, Jamie?" Lisa asked.

Baby James didn't gurgle.

"How's he feel about Yoshi?" Puck asked.

Nothing from the baby.

"Jamie?" Jack said.

The baby let out a cry of what sounded like approval.

"Ha!" Jack exclaimed triumphantly. "He likes mine. He likes me the best."

"He's, like, 20 minutes old," Puck argued. "They aren't best judges of character."

"Why don't you boys take this one outside?" Kristopher said. "Try to make it all the way out. We're still banned at Golden Corral. I don't want the hospital doing the same thing to us too."

Puck walked over to his mother and kissed her on the forehead.

"Night, ma," he said, looking down at Jamie. "Hey, buddy, I'm Noah, I'm easily the coolest big brother ever. Just ask Sarah. That clown over there," he nodded to Jack, "is okay, but you'll like a lot more when you're older."

Puck nodded to Kristopher in a congratulatory manner before he leapt over Jack's leg, which was extended toward his ankle.

"I'll be in later on tomorrow," Jack said to Lisa.

"Thank you for warning me," she quipped. "I'll tell the staff."

Jack laughed at his stepmother, bending over and kissing her on the check. He looked over at Jamie.

"I didn't want to mention this," he whispered, "but his head's almost as big as mine was."

"I know," Lisa said, smiling wickedly.

"Blame him," Jack pointed to his father. Looking back to Jamie, he said, "Hey, little buddy, I'll see you tomorrow. I'll bring you a brand new suit."

Kristopher eyed his firstborn.

"What?" Jack asked. "Took you three months to figure out what I liked."

Kristopher raised his arm and swung jokingly. Jack laughed and hugged his father.

"I'll be in tomorrow," Jack repeated.

Rachel was next. "Hello, Jamie," she waved to the baby. "His head's as big as Jack's."

"I already apologized," Kristopher said, "repeatedly."

"He's absolutely beautiful," Rachel complimented. "Would it be too much to ask if I could bring a camera in tomorrow?"

"No," Lisa said. "Rachel, you're practically family. Of course you can."

"I think the battery on mine is dying right now," Kristopher added. "So, every little bit helps."

Rachel nodded and followed Jack out of the room, leaving just Sarah with her parents and brand new brother.

"You wanna hold him?" Kristopher asked.

"What?"

"Do you want to hold him?" Lisa repeated on her husband's behalf. "You did name him, after all."

Sarah rubbed her hands on her shirt, silently cursing the fact that she didn't bring hand sanitizer. Her stepfather reached into her pocket and handed a bottle of it to her.

'Seriously,' she thought, 'is he physic?'

"No, I'm not."

Okay, then that was kind of creepy.

"I know."

Stop it.

"Okay."

Sarah looked her hands; they were clean, perfect for holding a newborn. She took her brother in her arms, minding his head, walking over to the chair Kristopher had once occupied and sat down.

She studied the baby, it was really too soon to figure out who he looked like more, but that didn't matter.

"Hey, there, little dude," she said, "I'm Sarah. Unlike your bigmouthed brothers, I'm actually the one you should listen to. I won't start doing that now, though. We've got the rest of our lives for me to tell you what to do. Just know you've got some pretty kickass parents and really awesome siblings."

Lisa smiled at the sight as Kristopher snapped a picture before his battery died.

**0000000000**

**A/N: I think now is a good place to leave the PACK family. I admit, I don't like this ending, but it seemed like a good place to stop. **

**I hope you all liked this and the newest addition to the PACK family. For those curious as why James' name is perfect. I looked up his first and middle name. James means "supplanter", which is just another word for usurper, troublemaker, that sort of thing. Look who his two brothers are. Asher means "blessed", he's the tether for this little family, so he's blessed them. Also, both names are Jewish, so they all got their wish. **

**And Sarah, well, when I started this one, I wasn't sure what to do with her. We haven't seen enough of her on the show to get an impression, so I figured Puck's sarcastic in a way that's kind of ditzy, so why not make his sister sarcastic in a way that's just sarcastic. She's actually starting become a favorite of mine. Though that's probably based on the fact I've given a personality and gave her some of the best lines in this story.**

**And can anyone pick up on a little running gag I've got going on with members of the Harmon family? **

**As always, I love to hear, really read, your feedback, so have it!**

**Signed****  
****Soulless Warlock**


	3. Happy Birthday, Jack Ass

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, that honor goes to Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, and Brad Falchuk, nor do I own any of the songs featured in this story, that goes to their writers, record companies, and artists. **

**000000**

Jack stuck his head out of the door to his basement room, his 20/20 vision scanning the surrounding area. There was no sign of his family anywhere. He breathed a sigh of relief. As much as he loved his father and the future additions to their family, he just wanted to have a moment to himself, a moment where he could reflect on the passage of yet another year in his life.

You see, today was Jack Harmon's 18th birthday and all he really wanted was some quiet time to do a little work on his musical. Completing the key song of the piece would be the most perfect present that he could receive. Of course, it was the perfect gift; he was giving it and giving it to himself.

'Sometimes I am so thoughtful.'

However, it wouldn't be much of a story if something didn't come along to ruin his day. And that came along in the form of Puck, his future stepbrother.

"Hey, Jack!"

That sent Jack tumbling off of his chair and onto the floor. Within the space of a second, he was back on his feet, clutching his chest.

"I WISH PEOPLE WOULD STOP DOING THAT TO ME!" he bellowed, his voice filling the entire kitchen.

"Sorry, man, didn't mean to scare you."

"You didn't scare me. To scare me would imply I feel fear and…"

"'Jack Harmon fears nothing'." Puck had heard this one before. "Anyways, sorry."

Jack groaned. This was the last thing he wanted at the moment. His father had his birthday celebration planned out for later in the night and the old man was giving him the space he needed to enjoy the day before he spent it with his family. He had even cut out of glee early to have his alone time. Which begs the question…

"Why aren't you at glee?"

Puck's tone was his usual ambivalent attitude. "Ah, didn't feel like going today. Figured I'd spend the rest of day with my favorite brother."

"I'm your-" Jack caught himself. He had to concede to a lot of things when his father and Puck's mother started dating and when they got engaged, but he would never concede that Puck was his brother in any way. "You wanted to spend time with me."

"Actually," he said, "I wasn't planning anything with you, but you're here. I mean, come on, man, you only turn 18 once."

"True." He was right about that. "But, my party is tonight, I'll see you there."

Jack took a step forward, only for Puck to grab a hold of his sleeve.

"No," he said. "I'm taking you to the one place that makes even grumpiest birthday boy happy."

Jack arched an eyebrow. "That whorehouse on Chester Street?"

Puck's eyes widened. "A what now?"

"Forget I said anything," Jack waved off his previous statement. "I take you're not going to leave me alone if I don't agree to go with you?"

"Pretty much."

"Okay." The latest in a series of concessions. "What is it?"

**000000**

Jack couldn't believe his eyes when Puck pulled off the blindfold the larger teen had to wrestle to put around his eyes. He looked around the room to find Mr. Schue and the entire glee club, minus Trevor, standing in full laser tag gear. Behind them was a sign that read: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JACK in big, multicolored letters with an added ellipsis and that word "ass" scrawled next to his name. Clearly Santana's doing.

"Who told you guys it was my birthday?" It was obviously Kurt and Rachel that opened their trout mouths if their guilty expressions were any answer to his question.

"Come on, Tigger," another voice called out. "Don't be like that."

Jack turned around, actually blushing at the revived childhood nickname, and saw his father, Lisa, and Sarah, in similar style of laser tag attire.

"Happy Birthday, little brother," Puck said, strapping on his gear.

"This was all your idea, wasn't it?"

"Yeah. Pretty much."

Jack grabbed Puck's gun, pointed it at tagger symbol on the Jewish boy's chest and pulled the trigger.

"I pick the teams," Jack said with a smile and his customary pre-battle eyebrow dance. "Let's get this game started."

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**A/N: Okay, not my best story, but I think it gives you an idea of how much Jack's life has changed since joining glee and Puck joining his family. **


	4. PACK and Furt

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, that honor goes to Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, and Brad Falchuk, nor do I own any of the songs featured in this story, that goes to their writers, record companies, and artists. **

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**Setting: Around the time Kurt comes back to McKinley**

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**Warning: One instance of the infamous 'f' word. You know the one I'm talking about. **

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Finn entered the gym, unsure of what to make of the scene playing out in front of him. Kurt, dressed in grungy looking workout clothes, was throwing rights and lefts at a speed bag. At first, Finn hadn't recognized his brother or thought that he was brainwashed because the Kurt he knew wouldn't be caught dead in clothes like that or in a gym with both Jack and Puck.

"Sup, Gigantor," he heard Jack shout from behind the bag. "You came at just the right time. Fagin and I are trying to teach Fruit Cup over there how to fight."

Kurt stopped throwing fists as he stumbled back, trying to catch his breath.

"Key word is 'try'," Jack confessed. "Get in the ring. Fagin, get ready."

"Quit calling me that, dude."

Jack ignored Puck and continued to bark out commands.

"I think he needs a moving target."

"The bag moved," Kurt quipped, oh so noticeably out of breath.

Finn stepped in between Jack and Kurt, turning to face his brother. "Kurt, what is going on?"

"It's like Jack Ass said," Puck interjected, "we're teaching the princess here how to fight. In case he runs into Karofsky and we're not around."

"I was talking to Kurt," Finn sneered.

"It's like they said, Finn," Kurt answered. "I can't rely on you guys to fight my battles all the time. I figure, if it comes down to it, I'd rather be ready and not be a victim."

Finn stared at Kurt, who merely pushed past him and entered the ring. Puck slapped in his mouth guard.

"Okay," Puck said. "Here's how it's gonna go down: I want you to hit these," he raised his hands, showing a pair of hand targets, "and I'll bob and weave, to make it a little more difficult."

Kurt threw a couple of weak combinations.

"Oh come on, Hummel, I'm tougher than that!" Puck exclaimed. "Just pretend I'm something that really annoys you."

Kurt raised a perfectly waxed eyebrow at a smiling Puck, who began to move. Kurt's attacks were more precise and Finn actually heard his fists crack into the targets, Puck keeping his word to bob and weave around the ring.

"How'd you manage to talk him into this?" Finn asked Jack, who watching the scene like a manager watching their prizefighter.

"Believe it or not," Jack began, "he came to us. Well, he came to Fagin. I just sort of wondered into the conversation."

"He didn't come to me?" Finn questioned.

Jack rolled his eyes. "Seriously, your ego's wounded by this?"

"No," Finn said. "It's just…I'm…I don't know. I just thought he would've told me something like this."

"Maybe he didn't tell you because he didn't want you to worry," Jack suggested, cringing as Kurt dropped his guard and Puck responded by whacking him in the back of the head with the target. "Damn it, Puckerman! I thought I told you not to do that."

"Princess has gotta learn not to drop his guard."

Kurt reacted to this by ripping off one of his gloves and clocking Puck in the gut, causing the glee club's resident badass to fall forward. The contralto took advantage of the situation by plowing into his larger opponent, using Puck's momentum to knock him down to the ring.

"I think he's ready," Puck said with a smile, watching as Kurt pummeled Puck, who was laughing maniacally.

"Oow!" A punch in the mouth. "Right to the mount position?" A punch to the ribs. "Not even gonna buy me dinner!" A knee to the side. "I like your style!" A fist connected with his cheek. "I'm gonna feel that one in the morning!" Another hit to gut. "Jeeze-a-loo!" A knee to the groin. "So glad I wore a cup today."

Finn cringed as Kurt continued to wail on Puck. His best friend, however, seemed to think it was like Christmas two months late.

Kurt finally stood up; Finn had never seen the look in the smaller boy's eyes before, he looked possessed. Puck lay on the mat, watching Kurt exit the ring and disappeared into the locker room. Finn was about to take off after him.

"Jack Ass," he said, pulling out his mouth guard, "he's finally gotten it."

Jack rolled into the ring and helped his brother to his feet.

"Got what?" Finn asked.

"He's finally understood that, sometimes, to teach a bully a real lesson, you gotta play their game," answered Jack. "I just didn't think it would happen this fast."

"So, you wanted him to beat the crap out of you?" Finn asked.

Puck nodded. "Hummel's gotta show Karofsky that he's not scared of him. Best way to do that is to attack him head on."

"He's gonna get his ass kicked," Finn declared.

"Probably," Jack said causally.

"'Probably'?" Finn repeated, pushing Jack aside. "Did you hear him?"

"Yeah, I did," Puck said. "I'm not crazy about it. But, you know what, Hudson, sometimes, you need to get your ass kicked and just keep coming."

"But," Finn protested, "Kurt…He's…"

"Delicate?" Jack supplied.

"Yeah," agreed Finn. "And Karofsky isn't just gonna lay there and let him punch him."

"But, at least, Karofsky will know what happens if he keeps fuckin' with him," Puck countered.

"Hummer knows the odds are stacked against him," Jack interjected. "He doesn't care though."

"I'm gonna stop him," Finn declared only to have Puck grab him by the sleeve. "Let me go, Noah."

Puck bristled at the fact that his best friend was using his real name.

"No," he said simply. "Hummel has to do this on his own. You step in; you ruin the most badass thing he's ever done. And then he'll look like an even bigger fairy that needs someone to fight his battles."

Finn's expression was one of conflict and fear, on one hand; he knew that Puck was right. On the other, he had promised his mom and Burt, and more importantly, Kurt, that he would always protect the stubborn, but loving boy no matter what. He also knew that, like Puck and Jack had said, Kurt would fight dirty, just like Karofsky. He didn't know what to do. This was the first time, and this is really saying something, that he didn't know what to do.

Finn was ripped from his thoughts when he heard the sound of a scuffle in the hallway, which was punctuated by someone hitting the ground.

**000000**

The three teens raced out of the gym, turning the corner to where they heard the fight start. Though it only took about four or five seconds to get to their destination, Finn's heart was already pounding in his ears.

He had screwed up again. He had let Kurt out of his sight and Karofsky had gotten him. How was he going to explain this to his mom? And to Burt? Oh God, he didn't want to think, but every single worst case scenario ran through his head in those five seconds.

It wasn't until he turned the corner that he could breathe again and was stunned at what he saw. Finn, his best friend and his rival were all froze in place at the sight before them.

Kurt was standing over a fallen Azimio, his eyes opened wide and his face betraying a cross between horror and amazement. In a way, his expression mirrored Finn's, who was racing past Jack and Puck to Kurt's side.

"What happened?" Puck asked, finally able to speak.

He looked at the fallen Azimio, comparing the size difference and running his hand through his Mohawk.

"I was just walking down the hall and he," Kurt pointed to the fallen football player, "tried to slushie me." Seemed like a normal day at McKinley. No sense at attacking someone over that. "And I ducked." That would explain something. "So, he grabbed me, slammed me into the locker, and said, 'Listen, fag, I don't know who you think you are, but no one ducks from an Azimio special'."

Jack rolled his eyes. 'So creative.'

"So, then he tried to punch me. And I ducked."

"And that knocked him out?" Jack was pressing for more information.

Surprisingly, Kurt was more than willing to give the rest of the story to the blonde tenor.

"After he hit his hand, he was still hanging onto me, so I kicked him." Kurt raised his leg to demonstrate how low he had kicked Azimio. "And that made him **really** mad. He let go of me and tried to charge me." Kurt moved to the side, though Finn was sticking to him protectively. "I sidestepped him and he slammed into the locker."

"Did you kick him?" Puck asked.

"I think so," Kurt answered.

Jack knelt down and checked Azimio's face.

"Ooh, damn," he said, looking over at Kurt's shoe. "An Austin Oxford? Nice shot."

He stood up.

"Now, I would suggest you two get the hell outta here."

Kurt opened his mouth to say something, but Finn quickly covered his mouth.

"C'mon, buddy," he said, rubbing Kurt's back soothingly, "I'll take you home."

"But, what about…"

Puck cut him off. "Jack and I will handle it." He looked at Finn. "Take care of him."

"Don't have to tell me twice."

When the Hudmel brothers were out of sight, Jack started laughing.

"What's so funny?"

"You," Jack answered. "Did you really use proper grammar?"

"Oh, shut up and help me get this big bastard out of here."

And the duo proceeded to clean up the accidental crime scene caused by their friend.

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**A/N: Well, I hope you guys enjoyed this little story. I wanted to do a Pack and Furt story for a while now and, even though I have another in the works, I remembered that I had this little gem stashed in my files. **


	5. At Least You're Not Pregnant

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot to this story and my OCs. The rest all belongs to Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, Brad Falchuk, the various songwriters, and to the writers of any joke that may not be mine.**

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**Timeframe: Set in 2016. Sarah is in high school now. She's around the same age as Puck was when the show began. **

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Sarah Puckerman was never the type of girl to come home and go into dramatics – She saved that for Jack – Nor was she the type to come home and give her mother more gray hairs than was natural on a woman of 46 – She saved that for Noah. Now that she thought about, her brothers were gigantic drama whores and she only dabbled in that art from time to time.

So, now why was she was freaking out? She wasn't accepted to the best musical theatre school in the country. No, that would be in two years. And she wasn't pregnant. To be honest, there was really no way in hell that would happen.

"Okay, take a breath," she whispered. "Kris will be cool with it."

She took said breath.

"Mom will be cool with it too," she continued. "Everyone will be."

'But, what if they aren't?' that nagging voice in the back of her mind asked.

"They will be!" she shouted, effectively silencing the voice for the moment.

"Who's 'they'?" a voice asked.

Sarah nearly came out of her shoes, which stayed on her feet as she cleared the air and landed face-first on the couch. Lisa Harmon cringed at her only daughter's landing, but was thankful that she landed on something soft.

Looking down at her two-year-old son, she asked, "Did your sister fall on her face?"

"Yep," Jamie Harmon replied, burying his head in his mother's shoulder in an attempt to suppress his laughter.

He failed miserably.

"He is so lucky he's cute," Sarah rolled onto her back and slide off of the couch, "Mom, Little Anti-Christ."

Lisa gave her daughter a stern look. Sarah raised her hands defensively. "Okay. Okay. I'll lay off the little runt."

Jamie stuck his tongue out Sarah, who retorted by pressing her thumb against her nose and moving her fingers as she stuck her tongue out.

"I love the maturity in this room," Lisa commented to herself.

Almost on cue, Kristopher entered the room and shouted, "You guys having a contest? I wanna play."

Lisa rolled her eyes as her husband joined in, slapping the top of his head, which seemed to propel his tongue at the two kids. She returned her focus to Sarah. Only moments before this contest of insanity started, she had been talking herself up.

The one thing Lisa had learned in all her years as a mother – and she was sure this was a genetic trait in her family – was when her children talked themselves up, they were bracing to drop a bombshell.

"I won!" Kristopher declared, grabbing his son out of Lisa's arms and tossing him into the air.

Sarah laughed as her stepfather caught the two-year-old, who was alternating between laughing and screaming.

"Okay," Lisa said. "Stop throwing him. You're gonna give him vertigo."

Kristopher caught his son one more time before dropping onto the couch with the boy on his chest. "I gotta know, is he getting heavier or am I getting older?"

"A little of both," Lisa said playfully, taking a seat next to her exhausted husband.

"Hey, I'm still not too old to get even with you for that."

"Bring it on, old man."

The couple kissed, eliciting a gag from Jamie, who rolled onto the couch and crawled away.

"Mom, Kris," Sarah said, ending the couple's reverie, "I have something to tell you."

"Ooh, boy," Kristopher said. "Gotta put the parenting caps on."

Lisa nodded in agreement. "What is it, honey?"

"You know I love you both, right?"

"Ah crap, you're not pregnant?" Lisa asked. "Not again." She was on her feet. "Who is the father? Wait! Don't tell me. I'll end up in jail." She started pacing the floor. "I'm a terrible mother. That's what it is. I'm a terrible mother."

"Mom, Mom," Sarah grabbed her mother, stopping the older woman in her tracks before she turned into full blown Jewish Mother Guilt Trip. A trip from which there is no return, "Mom, I'm not pregnant. Not even close."

"You're sure?"

"Yes, I just…you know…last week, okay?"

Lisa let out a sigh. "Okay. I guess I'm overreacting. You're not your brother. I just had to make sure."

Kristopher stood up. "So, you're not pregnant. That's good. Does Jamie have to leave the room before you do or say anything else?"

"I don't know," Sarah answered. "He's gonna figure it out eventually, so I want him to stay."

"I'm in the room," Jamie cowed from the floor.

"Nothing gets by him," Kristopher rubbed his forehead, "he's a lot like Jack that way."

Turning his attention back to Sarah, Kristopher took his wife by the arm and they sat down together.

"Go on, kiddo," he motioned that the floor was hers.

"Okay," she began, "but you guys have to promise me not to freak out or anything. Because, I don't think I could…"

"You're not pregnant," Lisa interjected. "That's about the only thing I would freak out about."

This gave Sarah new confidence. She could do this. She could totally do this.

"You know how, some things don't turn out the way you plan them. Like finding someone you love later in life, or finding a chocolate bunny in the freezer that's still good? Well, I'm…kind of like that."

Lisa and Kristopher raised their brows quizzically. Odd analogy, but they let her go on.

"What I mean is, that I didn't plan on this happening, but I can't deny it anymore…I'm gay."

For about three seconds, everyone in the room was silent. For Sarah, it felt like an eternity.

"And you thought this would make us freak out because…?" Kristopher asked.

"Now that that's out of the way," Lisa added, "what do you want for dinner?"

"I don't know," the couple stood up and headed for the foyer of the house, "I was thinking, maybe, fried chicken?"

"Just regular chicken. The doctor says you have got to cut out the fried foods. Hell, I shouldn't even be feeding you that."

"Who put you in charge of my diet?"

"Jack, when he moved to New York."

"Wait a minute," Sarah finally spoke up. "Hold on one damn minute!" Her parents turned to her, looks of confusion on their faces. "I just bared my soul to you guys and you're acting like it's business as usual?"

Lisa and Kristopher looked at each other and back at their daughter.

"Yeah," Lisa said.

"Pretty much," supplied Kristopher.

Sarah's lips curved into a smile. "You guys are the greatest."

She hugged them tightly.

"Sweetheart," Lisa started, brushing a stray hair from Sarah's face, "I have known you and loved you since before you were born. And I swore that I would love you and Noah no matter what happened."

"And I made that same promise when I married your mother."

"So, you two are okay with it?"

"Yeah, we're okay with it," Kristopher said.

"It's not going to be easy though."

"Yeah," Sarah said bitterly, "Lima is real bastion of understanding."

"There's that," Lisa said. "But, I was thinking more along the lines of Noah and Jack. You know they'll never girl you bring home a moment's peace, right?"

"Oh God, I forgot about them."

"What about you, little man?" Lisa asked Jamie, who had made it into the foyer without any real trouble. "You okay with Sarah?"

"What's gay?"

"You know how Kurt and Blaine are both boys and a couple?" Kristopher asked.

Jamie nodded.

"Well, that's how Sarah is. Except she likes girls instead of boys."

"Like Santana?" Jamie asked.

"Just like her," Lisa replied.

Jamie tilted his head to the side, analyzing his big sister. Sarah tried not to think about how his little mind was processing the information. But, he liked Kurt and Blaine. Not to mention Santana as well as Rachel's dads, so was it really crazy to think that he wouldn't have a problem?

"Okay," he said. "It's okay. But, I'm gonna have to talk to your girlfriends if you wanna date."

Sarah grabbed the little boy and pulled him into a hug.

"Get off!" he yelled as she planted a kiss on his cheek.

"I love ya'!"

"Momma!" Jamie screeched, running to his parents. "I have cooties."

"Well," Lisa scooped her baby boy up, "let's get you cleaned up before they spread."

Jamie hid his face in his mother's shoulder as the family walked toward the kitchen.

"Speaking of girlfriends," Lisa finally said. "You wouldn't happen to have one?"

"No!" Sarah shouted.

Lisa smirked. She knew her daughter was lying. Her and that Camille were too close to not be dating. But, she decided to let her daughter have a moment's peace.

At least, till her brothers' came back for a visit.

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**A/N: Another story completed. This one actually turned to be longer than I thought it would be. I'm kind of proud of this one considering I completed it in only five hours and I think it turned out pretty damn good. However, I don't get the final say, you readers do. So, tell me what you think.**


	6. Choked Out

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot to this story and my OCs. The rest all belongs to Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, Brad Falchuk, the various songwriters, and to the writers of any joke that may not be mine.**

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**Setting: After the end of Choke**

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"When you find it, call me, okay?" Jack said, shutting the door to the auditorium behind him and ending his call.

As Jack walked down the halls of McKinley, he sighed. He had always thought that when he left this hellhole of a school, he would have had a far grander passing of the torch ceremony. It was good for what it was, so he could leave it at that. He had much bigger fish to fry – A fish in the form of Carmen Tibideaux.

Rachel was getting into NYADA if he had to tie that broad to a chair and make her listen to the oral history of the Harmon family. That was punishment enough for even the heartiest of men…or divas. Whichever came first, really?

Jack had just passed the locker room when a foreign sound caught his attention. Someone was crying. And they were crying inside the locker room. Reaching into his satchel, Jack quickly located the file on the Seven Signs of the Apocalypse and checked to see if this was one of the dreaded signs that the world was ending – and ending before he could win an EGOT – Now that was unacceptable.

Much to his surprise, and relief, it was not one of the signs. Still, it was a bit odd to hear someone crying inside of the locker room. The room always waxed of soulless automatons mass produced by the company known as the Modern American Male. Maybe it was one of the Seven Wonders?

Regardless of its place in the pantheon of the number seven, Jack felt the need to investigate. He pushed against the door, sliding it open with very little trouble and began to survey the room.

What he saw both broke his heart and moved him with pity, two things that never happened unless it involved Rachel or Kurt. It was really rather pathetic, but still, it was something that Jack hadn't expected.

"Puck?" he called out to the crying young man on the bench.

Puck quickly wiped his eyes and sprang to his feet, his hand now over his chest.

"What the hell, Jackass?" he asked, the now term of endearment lacking the normal bite it usually possessed. "Don't sneak up on a guy like that."

"Yeah, wouldn't want to interrupt…whatever the hell you were doing," Jack countered. "What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Puck said, heading for the door.

Jack turned around and followed after him. "Doesn't seem that way."

"Aren't you the one that always says nothing's as it seems?"

"I'm stunned you actually listen to me."

"You're always talking, bound to catch something."

"I've seen some of the women you screw, so I wouldn't be surprised."

"What the hell do you want?" Puck shouted. "It's bad enough I have to live with you and your…weird…hobbies, but that doesn't mean you can just order me around. Nobody tells Puckzilla what to do."

Puck kicked at a locker violently, actually dislodging one in the process. Jack reacted quickly, grabbing Puck and pulling him away from the locker.

"I don't know what the hell happened, but you are not breaking your foot this close to Nationals!" he thundered.

"Leave me the **_FUCK ALONE_**!" Puck screamed, slugging his stepbrother in the face, knocking the blonde onto his back. That seemed to bring Puck back to his senses.

"Dude," he dropped to his knees, "I am **_so_** sorry."

"I'm okay," Jack sat up, "I'm okay."

Jack stood up, turning away from Puck as he readjusted his collar and caught his breath.

"I'm not telling you to do anything," Jack rubbed his jaw unconsciously, "I'm just asking a question." He took a breath and asked in a gentler manner, "What happened?"

Puck sat down on the bench and motioned for Jack to sit on the other one. The two sat in silence, Jack waiting patiently for Puck to explain himself.

"I failed my geography final," he finally whispered.

"Sorry to hear that." And he was.

"I know, man," Puck said, slapping his hand. "Not like you could've taken the test for me."

"I can always –"

"No, Jack," Puck stood up, "I'm better off just repeating."

Jack watched his normally defiant stepbrother sulk off, his shoulders stooped as if all the life had drained from him. On any other day, Jack would be doing an Irish Jig. He had been waiting for this opportunity since the events of the pot cupcakes sophomore year.

So, why wasn't he taking it?

The blonde shook his head. He couldn't comfort Rachel, hell, he couldn't change the day for either her or Puck. If this was what it felt like to be helpless to help the ones you loved. Well, one that you loved and…had a great deal of affection for in the case of the other, then he wanted no part of it.

He stood up and followed after Puck, hoping that he hadn't pulled that patented Jew Ninja trick that Rachel refused to teach him. When Jack cleared the door, he saw Puck still moving sluggishly through the hall.

"Hey, Puck!" he shouted, getting the Mohawked teenager's attention. "I have a spare paintball gun in my trunk –"

"Thanks for the offer, Jack," Puck stopped, but didn't turn around, "but shooting you with a paintball gun isn't gonna make me feel better."

With that, Puck continued his trek to the doors of the school.

Jack arched an eyebrow. That was a new one. "Not what I had mind," Jack moved in slowly, "I was thinking more along the lines of screwing with the hockey team."

Puck stopped, but this time, he turned around, a smirk on his face.

"We using your car?"

"Like I'd be caught dead in that truck of yours."

"Well, if you were dead drunk," Puck said, pun heavy in his voice, "and I was sober, you'd have no choice."

"Ha, ha," Jack stated. "You coming with me or not?"

"Sure."

Jack raced down the hall to join his stepbrother.

"So, how'd your audition thing go?" Puck asked.

"Great. But, it wasn't perfect," Jack said. "Do you think we can turn around and get Rachel? I think she needs some cheering up."

"If you can make Berry join us on this, I will do anything you want."

Jack smirked in a manner that eclipsed any of the ones he had ever unleashed unto the world.

"Prepare to be my bitch, Puckerman," he said arrogantly.

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**A/N: And another story finished. I know I'm moving at a snail's pace, but inspiration is not coming like it used to for some reason.**

**But, enough of my excuses, I wanna know what you guys think of this story. Loved it? Hated it? Want me to throw myself off the Stanton Island Ferry?**

**Signed**  
**Soulless Warlock**


	7. Lady PACK

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot to this story and my OCs. The rest all belongs to Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, Brad Falchuk, the various songwriters, and to the writers of any joke that may not be mine.**

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**Setting: This is my first foray into a gender-bend story. **

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**Casting: I'm not sure who could play Lady Puck, but Lady Jack is played by Bailey Buntain. **

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There were few times in her life that Jana Michaela Harmon ever felt the need to protect anyone. In her humble (insert non-believing snort here) opinion, she didn't owe anything to anyone and the world shared her sentiment. The only people that she ever felt the need to protect were her father and her best friends, Ryan Berry and Kate Hummel. Everyone else – well, they got what they deserved when they screwed with her and hers.

But, that sort of logic did not explain what she was doing in the Cheerios' locker room, testing the weight of all of the shampoo bottles, emptying them in the shower drain and refilling them with Nair. It wasn't for Ryan, or Kate, or even her father, so why was young Ms. Harmon incurring the wrath of the wicked witches (they were too cruel to be deemed human women) of McKinley?

Well, it all started…

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_…three hours ago, Jana was walking down the halls, minding her own business, when she stopped at the locker of Nora Puckerman, the girl turned away from the other students, as if engrossed in something inside of the book-holding apparatus. _

_Normally, Jana wouldn't be caught dead with the other girl, but her (Nora) mother was dating her (Jana) father, so it behooved her to make sure everything was okay. _

**"Find anything interesting in there?"** _Jana asked, causing Nora to jump a couple of feet in the air. Still, she didn't turn away from the locker._

**"Don't do that," **_she practically screeched._

**"Just making sure you still had the dignity to keep your more licentious habits in the privacy of a truck bed like you were taught." **

_Jana knew that would probably earn her a slap in the face or a punch in the ovary, but she could tell something was amiss. Nora always turned to face her whenever they spoke, a sort of sign that they, at the very least, there was some kind of respect._

_Today, Jana was getting nothing. And she went right to well with her insult. _

**'Honestly,'** _she said to the voice in her head,_ **'I'm using the place where her baby was conceived as an insult and she isn't even reacting.'**

**'Could be you hit too low?'** _the voice replied. _

**"Yeah, make your jokes,"** _Nora's voice cut through Jana's burgeoning argument with herself,_ **"be like everyone else." **

_Before Jana could react, Nora was already ten feet away from her. _

**'Damn, she covers ground fast.'**

**'What'd you expect? I hear Sylvester feeds them horse steroids.' **

**'Really?'**

**'We can finish this conversation later, she's getting away.'**

**'Oh, right, thanks.'**

**'S'all'right!'**

_Jana took off after Nora, finally catching up to her as she entered the auditorium. _

**"Can't you take a hint?"** _she shouted from the shadows._

**"You've clearly never seen the five restraining orders Zac Efron has against me,"** _Jana countered._ **"And Nathan Fillion too. But, I digress…"**

**"I don't want to be bothered,"** _Nora said, interrupting her possible stepsister yet again._

**"And I don't want to follow you around,"** _Jana said._ **"But, I've got a feeling something is amiss."**

**"I'm fine." **

**"Forgive me if I don't believe you. The badass bitch I know wouldn't have torn out of the hallway unless there was something really, really wrong."** _Silence._ **"And I'm not going anywhere till I find out what it is."**

**"Why do you care?" **

**"I don't. But, you're part of the glee and glee is…"** _Jana stopped herself before she used the dreaded 'f' word,_ **"We look out for each other, no matter if we hate each other. So, spill before I lose interest."**

_Still, nothing but silence. _

**"You're not pregnant again, are you?"**

**"No!" **

**"Okay then. What's wrong?" **

**"Nothing. Could you get lost, you garden gnome?"**

**"I feel that I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request."**

**"You're really not going away, are you?" **

**"I believe my previous statement means 'no' in really big words." **

**"Okay,"** _Nora finally said._ **"If I tell you what happened, do you promise to go away?" **

**"Yeah,"** _Jana answered._ **"And, by the way, you could save yourself a lot of trouble if you accept that I always get what I want as a given."**

**"Except Ryan,"** _Nora shot back smugly._

**"Don't start with that,"** _Jana said._ **"Come out so I can see you."**

_Nora was hesitant, letting Jana see you vulnerable was kind of pulling the pin from a grenade and tossing it into a bouncy house. You just didn't do it. And you definitely didn't tell her about something that could hurt you. For possible end results, see previous mentioned analogy. _

S_till, Nora decided to risk it. She stepped out of the shadows, her eyes puffy and red, her mascara smeared. She had been crying as Jana had suspected. _

**"What happened?" **_Jana asked._

**"It was nothing,"** _Nora said,_ **"just your typical Cheerio shit."**

**"It made you cry, so I beg to differ,"** _Jana argued._ **"It was about Brett, wasn't it?"**

**"I can handle a lot of things,"** _Nora said,_ **"but, I don't to be reminded of…"** _her hand brushed against her stomach, still a little paunchy from the life that once grew inside of her,_ **"I could take it when I was pregnant,"** _that was a lie according to Quint and Santiago,_ **"but now, all the Fertile Myrtle jokes,"** _funny,_ **"and the tubby cracks,"** _rude,_ **"and the 'all hail the future welfare queen mother' jokes,"** _completely uncalled for, and this was coming from Jana Harmon,_ **"are…BULLSHIT!"** _Nora finally screamed, kicking a chair to the ground._

**"You're really starting to act like Fiona,"** _Jana joked, getting a glare from Nora._ **"Look, I can't begin to know what it's like to go through all that crap, but I know what it's like to get insulted when they think you're not listening…or even when they know you are."** _She took a breath._ **"So, on that note, I'm going to do something spectacular for the both of us."**

_She turned to leave the auditorium, quickly spinning around on her heel. _

**"I would recommend showering someplace else after Cheerio practice." **

**"Don't worry. Coach has me showering in her private one. Says my stretch marks give the other girls nightmares and drove one of them to a nervous breakdown." **

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And so, it came to pass, three hours and some change later, the girls' locker room for the much feared Cheerios was filled with screaming and girls scrambling for their towels as they saw that certain members of the team were losing their hair.

Nora emerged from the private shower of Sue Sylvester, who was, herself, trying to subdue the stampeding girls and was now oblivious to the intruder in her office.

"What did you do?" Nora asked as a smirking Jana walked up behind her.

"Well, I figured I had two choices," Jana began. "I could've waited for karma to get them and allow the universe to show them the error of their ways. Or, I could've put Nair in all of their shampoo bottles. I figured karma and the universe could show them the error of their ways while they let their hair grow back out."

"You really are a devil in a blue dress, aren't you?"

"Maybe a little. But, sometimes, the universe takes to damn long and the Harmon method of justice cuts that time in half."

"Why'd you do it?"

"Huh?"

"You don't like me, I don't like you, but you went after them anyway. I just wanna know why."

"You're glee, end of story. When you're glee, you're…you know?"

Nora raised an eyebrow at the smaller girl. "Yeah. I get it."

"Good," Jana said with a nod. "And we don't speak of this. I mean, ever."

She turned to leave.

"You actually think I'm a badass bitch?" Nora asked.

Jana stopped again. "Nowhere near as big as me," she craned her head around and flashed a smile, "but you're getting there."

And, with that, she walked out of the room and into the chaos she had created.

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**A/N: And so begins the fun that is Lady PACK. I'm starting to notice a pattern of Puck crying and Jack swooping in to save the day. Kind of funny I've done to stories like this, maybe a future one will see the roles reversed. **

**FYI: If anyone is curious as to the names of all of the character in the gender-bend HarmonVerse, feel free to ask for them in your review or PM me and I'll give it to you. (Bow-Chicka-Bow-Wow! Sorry about that, couldn't resist). **

**Anyways, reviews, thoughts, feelings, I'd love to hear them.**


	8. Relationship Bodyguards

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot to this story and my OCs. The rest all belongs to Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, Brad Falchuk, the various songwriters, and to the writers of any joke that may not be mine.**

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**Timeframe: Set during the Chandler incident.**

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Puck crossed into the Lima Bean, where he found his stepbrother sitting at his usual table.

"Okay, Jack," he said, getting Jack's attention, "where is he?"

Before Jack even finished raising his head, Puck was already at the table. Did this guy seriously take HGH or something?

'I think we used that joke last chapter.'

'I think I said horse steroids last chapter.'

'Really?'

"Yeah, I think I did," Jack said out loud, getting a look from Puck. "Sorry."

"I'm not here to worry about the tiny ass-clowns that live in your head," Puck said, nearly turning the table over, "I'm here to take care of business."

"Yeah, because a crowded coffee house is the best place to start a fight," Jack countered, grabbing Puck's arm. "Just slow your roll before you get us both arrested."

Puck sat down, folding his arms.

"He comes in here every day around five," Jack explained. "And, if I play my cards right, which I normally do, all you'll need to do is stand there and look intimidating –"

"I can do that."

"Don't interrupt. All you'll need to do is stand there and look intimidating, while I keep appraised of what will happen if he should try and contact our friends again."

"How is it you make the easiest things sound super hard?"

"Maybe it's because I speak using multisyllabic words."

"Don't act like a smartass."

"I never act like one, I am one."

"I hate you."

Jack looked over Puck's shoulders, spotting his prey. "Quiet. He's here."

Chandler Kiehl walked into the Lima Bean, right on time, and placed his order. The young man walked over to his usual table as Jack signaled Puck to move.

The blonde stood up and began to move toward the table, Puck staring at him quizzically.

"Come on," Jack growled.

Puck stood up. "What the hell was that?" he mimicked his stepbrother's previous signal.

"I was giving you a Navy SEAL signal."

"I only know the Air Force signals."

Jack snarled at Puck. "I would face-palm myself right now if we didn't have more pressing matters to attend to."

"Wouldn't another part of you be jealous?" Puck asked, smiling slyly.

"Words cannot describe how much I hate you right now," Jack stated before walking away.

Chandler was sipping his drink and texting on his phone.

"Texting an amazing piece of technology," Jack announced, crossing over to the unoccupied seat and dropping into it.

"Excuse me?" Chandler asked, unsure of how to react to his new guest.

"I said texting was an amazing piece of technology," Jack repeated before he made a sweeping motion with his hand, "I mean, with one text you can contact a friend," carrying on dramatically, "send a funny picture," now came the crescendo, "or ruin a relationship."

That last one caught Chandler's attention. "I'm," he sputtered, "I'm sorry."

"Maybe I'm being a little too vague," Jack said, taking out his cell phone and opening his photo files. "See this guy right here," he pointed to the picture of Kurt with the Wiz-A-Mania chorus from last year's adventure in New York, "I'm sure you do. He's kind of hard to forget."

Chandler knew he was in trouble. This had to be the crazy friend that Kurt had told him about.

"Now, with said cell phone," Jack continued, "you have caused some serious discord between our friend and his boyfriend."

"And we don't like discord," Puck said behind Jack's shoulder.

"And you don't know what that word means."

"Why do you do this?"

"Do what?"

"Every time I go with you as muscle, you insult me."

"That's what muscle is there for, to be insulted and save their much smarter counterpart if need be."

"Are you sure you two don't have a problem?" Chandler asked. "Cause it looks like you two need a little bit of counseling."

"What?" Jack and Puck asked together, looking at the interloper than at each other, thundering, "No!" together.

"And even if I was gay, I think I could do a lot better than him," Puck added.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You don't turn me on! There, I said it!"

My point, Mr. Kiehl," Jack said, "is that our friend, Kurt, is madly in love with his cute, if not somewhat paranoid, boyfriend. And they do not much like interlopers like you interfering in their nauseatingly sweet romance." Time to turn the dramatic voice on again. "_And_, what they don't like, we," Jack gestured to himself and Puck, "don't like." And for good measure. "_And_, if you continue to press the issue, my dear stepbrother here will show you what happens to people who cause discord."

Puck cracked his knuckles, the sound just loud enough for Chandler to hear.

"Have we got an understanding?"

"I think so," Chandler said.

"Excellent!" Jack exclaimed, standing up and walking away from the table.

When he was sure that Jack was gone, Puck took the seat next to Chandler.

"I would keep my hands off, buddy, cause he wasn't lying," Puck growled. "Kurt went through hell last year and Blaine was the one bright spot." Puck reached, wrapping his big hand over Chandler's neck, tightening his grip as he spoke. "He makes my friend happy and I want him to stay away." He turned Chandler's head into his line of sight. "So, here's the deal, you come near him again, I'll kick your ass. Got it?"

Chandler nodded with a little help from Puck before the larger teen stood up and followed after his stepbrother. Chandler waited for them to leave before jettisoning the text he had planned to send to Kurt.

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**A/N: Simple lessons to be learned here: PACK ships Klaine and, if you mess with Klaine, you mess with PACK. Get it? Got it? Good!**

**Signed**  
**Soulless Warlock**


	9. Doctor Puck

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot to this story and my OCs. The rest all belongs to Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, Brad Falchuk, the various songwriters, and to the writers of any joke that may not be mine.**

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"Dude, seriously," Puck was getting angry, "you need to lie down and take your meds like the doctor said."

"I don't have to take anything I don't want to take," Jack fired back. "Besides, I feel fine."

Puck rolled his eyes. The blonde always had to do things the hard way.

"Okay," Puck said, "I'll make you a deal. If you can walk over here and punch me, I'll leave you alone."

Puck had been playing this game with Jack for the last two days since the younger teen had fallen off of the stage during glee and broke his foot. Jack had managed to get the doctor to give him a walking cast on the condition that he didn't put too much stress on his foot.

Naturally, Jack, being Jack, refused to listen to that end of the bargain and was practicing his dance steps within an hour of getting the cast. Puck had had to tackle him to keep him from testing the strength of the cast against his workout bag.

Jack stood up, trying his damndest to not wince in pain as he tried to get to Puck before the pain became too much. And none of this was lost on his future stepbrother.

"I'm serious, Puckerman," Jack said, "if you don't lay off this nurturing thing you've been trying to pull, I will knock the Mohawk clean off your head."

"I'll leave it alone if you can hit me," Puck said, confident that he was safe.

Jack was only five feet away from Puck when he fell to the floor, letting out a strangled yelp.

"Give me the damn pills!" he growled, to which Puck obliged.

"Do you need help getting up?" Puck asked as Jack forced the pain medication down his throat.

"No…" Jack said, "…Yes."

Puck reached under Jack's arms and hoisted him onto his feet.

"Put your arm around my neck," Puck commanded.

"Oh, no," Jack shook his head, "Sorry, cowboy, I don't swing off that side of mountain, you know what I'm saying?"

"Seriously?" Puck asked. "Does everything with me have to be a gay joke with you?"

"Says the guy who wants called glee club 'homo explosion'."

"That was a long time ago, bro," Puck said, forcing Jack onto his good foot and leading him to his bed.

"Don't call me 'bro'," Jack groaned as he flopped onto the guest bed.

Walking down the stairs to his room would've been too much of a chore in his condition according to his dad, so he was sleeping on the second floor until his foot healed. Jack grabbed the nearby blanket and pulled it over his back, the medication was starting to take over for sure.

"Puck," he said, "can you get Henderson Bear?"

"I thought I wasn't allowed to touch it?"

"Drugs made me change my mind," Jack said, his eyes fluttering.

"I seriously need to steal some of this stuff," Puck said under his breath, "Could shut a lot people up."

Puck walked out of the room, spotting Kristopher out of the corner of his eye.

"You got the bear?" he asked.

Kristopher held the bear out to Puck. "Figured I would be safer if I went down there to get it. How's he doing?"

"Annoying, but good, if he just listen to me."

"I'll talk to him," Kristopher said, Puck turning back to the room. "Noah," Puck turned to his mother's boyfriend, "thanks for getting him home. I know he won't say it, so I want to."

Puck smiled at the older man. "No sweat."

Puck opened the door to the room and disappeared from Kristopher's line of sight.

**0000000000**

**A/N: Like I've said before I've written a couple of stories here where Jack has saved Puck's ass or gotten even on his behalf, so I figured I'd have, at least, one story where Puck took care of him. Also, we got the debut of Henderson Bear, Jack's little security blanket no one knows about...not even Rachel or Kurt. **

**Hope you all enjoyed.**

**Signed****  
****Soulless Warlock**


	10. The Break Up

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot to this story and my OCs. The rest all belongs to Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, Brad Falchuk, the various songwriters, and to the writers of any joke that may not be mine.**

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**Timeframe: After The Break Up**

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**Special Guest Stars: Jennifer Damiano (as Tess Harper) and Rory O'Malley (as Adam Wiley)**

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Puck never thought he'd actually be in Ithaca, New York. Then again, he never thought he'd be heading back to Lima after he told the town to suck his left nut and make the right one jealous, but he had been there one week and was now in Ithaca this week. He was starting to think that neither one of his brothers could stay out of trouble. And when Noah Puckerman thought someone was making too much trouble that was a sad comment on the state of affairs in the world.

Still, here he was in the dormitory at Cornell University, looking for the right room. The last room had been the wrong room on the wrong floor, but totally worth it.

Puck opened the door that lead onto the dorm's fourth floor, spotting two people, a young woman and a young man nursing a black eye, standing in front of a door. Both of them looked as though they had had the fear of God put in them by whoever was on the other side of the door, so they had to be the people he talked to on the phone.

He spotted the room number out of the corner of his eye and knew he was in the right place.

"Hey," he said to the man and woman standing in front of his stepbrother's dorm, "I'm Noah Puckerman. The sad sack in the room is my brother."

"I knew I recognized him," the girl spoke up, "You never forget a face on a dartboard."

'I thought we were past that phase,' was the first thought in Puck's head before he started talking again, "I just need to know two things."

"One, the hookers are gone," the man said, "and we were able to disarm him before he crescent kicked me in the face."

Puck nodded. "Thanks. I, uh, I can take it from here."

The man stuck his hand out to Puck, "Adam Wiley. Jack's roommate."

"Noah Puckerman," Puck shook Adam's hand.

"Yeah, you already said that," Adam quipped.

"I take it you're the nice one?" Puck counter-quipped.

Adam turned to the girl. "Feisty. I like him."

"Tess Harper," the girl said, extending her hand to Puck.

"I'd say my name but this guy…" Puck leveled a glare at Adam, who smirked, "…would probably act like an asshole."

"After awhile, you learn to ignore it," Tess commented.

"We'll leave you two alone," Adam took Tess' arm and led her away from the door, stopping when they heard Puck knock on it.

"Jack?" he called out.

"Christ!" the blonde tenor groaned. "They sent in the big guns, did they?"

"Let me it, Jack," Puck ordered, getting no response.

**0000000000**

"All this trouble over a girl," Tess shook her head, following Adam down the hall, "Makes me grateful I like men."

"You and me both," Adam commented as they left the two brothers alone.

**0000000000**

"How'd you get out here so fast?" Jack asked.

Puck reached into his back pocket and pulled out his lock pick. "Your dad. Turns out he will let me use the private jet if I ask."

"I knew that was going come back to bite me."

Puck forced the pick into the door, playing around with the springs and hoping to find the right configuration.

"What happened?" he asked, focusing on the lock.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You know, I've known you long to know that when you start hiring hookers that look like Rachel, we've got serious issues."

"Leave me alone, Mohawk Jew!"

That was a name Puck hadn't heard in a while. He wasn't sure if he should smile or be pissed. He'd work that out later, though.

"Do you ever me alone when I've got a problem?"

"It's always against my better judgment, but no."

"Well then, bro, what makes you think I'd leave you alone?"

"Respect for my privacy?"

"I'm your big brother. As long as I'm around, you ain't gettin' privacy."

On those words, Puck finally got the door open. He pressed the door slowly, remembering that even if you did take the guns away from Jack, he still had the hunting knife he kept in his shoe.

"I'm coming in," he announced, moving into the darkened room, hoping his eyes would adjust quickly enough to spot Jack if the shorter young man was coming after him.

Instead, he found Jack stretched out on his bed, in much the same shape Quinn had found him in nearly a year earlier. His hair looked like something out of a David Lynch movie, the suit he had worn to New York had lay on the floor, the buttons off of the shirt and the jacket in disrepair, and then there was Jack, himself, lying on his back, staring at the ceiling.

Puck reached over and took the bottle of vodka his younger brother was nursing and took a swig of it. There was only one of two things that could put Jack in this state and since the first thing was in Ohio, it had to be the second, and it was going to need all the booze he could hold to get through this.

"What happened?" Puck finally asked, pulling up a chair and placing it beside the bed.

There was silence. Now, with a normal human being, Puck wouldn't have been concerned, but this was Jack Harmon, a guy who never closed his mouth, even when he was sleeping.

"I told her everything," Jack said at last. "I mean, everything."

Puck leaned to Jack, trying to get a clear visual of his face. He looked terrible. He hadn't shaved in what seemed like three or four days and he had been crying: Two things an on-the-ball Jack would never let happen.

Puck reached out, placing his hand on Jack's forehead. "It didn't go well?"

Though it was to see him, Puck could feel Jack's "can you be kidding me" look baring down on him.

"No. It didn't," Jack said, annoyance in his voice.

"What did she say?"

"Nothing. I kinda left when I found out she was going to look for Finn."

This brought Puck's hand down on Jack's forehead, causing the blonde to shoot up from his bed.

"Dumbass," Puck shot.

"Asshole," Jack fired back

"Why'd you leave?"

"Because she was going after him," this seemed to pull Jack out of his bed, "She always goes after him. Never mind that he hasn't called in four months because he was ashamed she'd think less of him. As if that were possible even after all the crap he's done. Does that make sense to you?"

Puck was silent, watching Jack circle the room.

"On top of all that, even after he sneaks out again," his tone was bitter, "she still goes after him. What is about him? You're his best friend. You must have some insight?"

Puck opened his mouth to speak, but Jack cut him off.

"I mean, I've seen his good side, but he's got no direction, nothing to offer her except for love. And I don't have that? Cause, from where I stand, I'm just as good as him, if not better."

Puck started to speak again, but Jack again silenced him.

"I'm better and I put it out there and she goes after –"

"Oh, shut up!" Puck finally snapped.

This had the desired effect, though Jack's mouth now gaped opened, looking at his stepbrother, no sound coming out it.

"Wow," Puck stood up, "if I'd have known it was that easy, I'd have told you to do that years ago."

Jack leveled a glare at Puck, who smirked arrogantly.

"I'm seriously sick of your bellyaching," Puck continued, "You told her. Ya' finally nutted the hell up and told her how you felt and then what'd ya' do? Ya' ran away." Jack turned away from Puck. "Look at me," Puck grabbed his arm and spun him around, "Since when do you run away?" No answer. "I'm waiting."

There was silence.

"I guess you really aren't the badass I thought you were," Puck said. "Sorry I even came here."

He turned to leave.

"Noah," Jack said, stopping Puck. "I've got no more energy. I had to walk away because I need to recharge, I need to get some perspective. I can't be the man she deserves if I'm always second guessing my choices. I know that doesn't make sense to you…I can't even explain it myself, but it's just something I need to do. Just, get away, see how it works out."

Puck studied Jack's features, he could understand. Jack had told him, only months earlier, that telling Rachel how he really felt would completely undermine their friendship. It was something Jack could never take back. And now, it was out there and he couldn't take it back. It made sense that he wanted to put some distance between him and Rachel.

"No, man, I get it," Puck said, moving in closer to Jack. "You need space."

"Exactly," Jack said.

"You know, after Shelby and Beth left town, I…"

"I was there. Don't have to remind me."

"And you let me punch you," Puck continued. "Said since I was your safe place, you could be mine. Do you wanna hit…"

Puck was cut off as Jack slugged him in the mouth, knocking him on his ass.

"Okay," Puck muffled, "okay. You got that out of your system." He stood up, "You feel better?"

"A little," Jack answered. "I'm not at that mad at myself anymore. You okay?"

Puck rubbed his jaw. "I'll live. So, do you need anything else?"

"No," Jack said. "I just need to clean this room and take a shower."

"I wasn't going to say anything about that."

Jack chuckled. "Yeah. You should've."

"No, I like all my teeth in my mouth," he swirled his tongue around his mouth, "I think you may have loosened a couple."

"You got me to laugh, so shut up now," Jack commanded, pulling out a clean pair of underwear from his dresser. "I'll be back in a couple of minutes."

"I'd stay there for a couple of hours if I were you."

"And I would be out of this room by the time I come back if I were you."

Jack tossed a towel over his shoulder before walking up to Puck, standing well within reach.

"Thanks," he said.

"No problem, bro."

"I'm not gonna hug you while I'm dressed like this."

"I'm not gonna hug you while you smell like that."

Jack slapped his brother on shoulder and walked off, muttering under his breath, "Asshole."

"Dumbass," Puck muttered back as Jack disappeared from the room.

Puck followed Jack out of the room, watching him make his way up the hallway and into the bathroom. He sighed, turning on the light and making himself comfortable as he knew that when Jack came back, the two would probably go on a chaotic pranking spree that ended with them almost getting arrested. To be honest, he kind of missed these moments.

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**A/N: And there we have it. Another PACK one-shot for the books. I hope you all enjoyed this one because I wasn't sure how this story would work out. And it's worked wonderfully. I hope this shows how far these two have come since their parents' first date to present day. I think it has, but I'm leaving the whole choice to you, the readers. **


	11. New Additions

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, that honor goes to Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, and Brad Falchuk, nor do I own any of the songs featured in this story, that goes to their writers, record companies, and artists.**

**00000000**

**Setting: Before Christmas 2013**

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"Lisa," Kristopher called to his wife of two years, "you home?"

"In the living room," Lisa said. "How was work?"

"Ever have one of those days you just wanna retire?" He stepped into the living room, putting down his briefcase. "I have them more now than I ever did."

"Why don't you? You've put your time in. You've earned it."

"Who would run the company then? Jack's busy using New York state as his personal warzone, Frank would steal from the company, Carl would wanna shut it down, and Davis…" He paused for a moment. "Need I say more? Vanessa and Diane are, well, Jack-like."

"Isn't Shane president?" Lisa inquired. "He's supposed to take over when you retire?"

"But, it takes two to run that place," Kristopher protested. "And Leo is not going anywhere near it after he released…Never mind. It can't be him."

"What about Taylor…or Jared?"

"Maybe. But, they don't have the instincts of a shark. I mean, they could, but the Geneva people are still mad about a similar incident 10 years ago. Best not to ask."

"One day, I am gonna figure out the details to all your vague little stories."

"I wouldn't. Unless you wanna be served a subpoena in the near future."

Kristopher smiled and kissed his wife, who shifted her legs under her body as she cuddled against him.

"You know," she began, "Sarah's not home and Noah's spending time with Jake."

"Oh?" Kristopher raised an eyebrow suggestively.

"I wanted them out of the house," she continued.

Kristopher laughed as he started to undo his tie, moving in for another kiss.

"Not yet, Tiger," Lisa placed her finger against his lips. "I've got something I need to tell you."

Kristopher sighed. "Tell me something good or tell me something bad?"

"Depends on your reaction, I guess," she replied.

Lisa sat up and took a deep breath.

"I went to the doctor's this morning," she began, stopping him before he could speak again. "I know I said it was nothing, but after Burt got sick, I thought better safe than sorry. And he had some news for me."

She had been acting odd for the last couple of weeks; mood swings, nausea, and she had been getting up more often at night. Kristopher had an idea of what she was getting at: Menopause. It wasn't that far out to expect, she was 47 years old.

"He told me," she took another breath, this was really wearing her out, "that I was pregnant."

Kristopher didn't say anything for a moment; he simply blinked at his wife, his mouth pursed in confusion and a loud breath exiting his nose.

"Say something," she really hoped that he wasn't having a stroke.

"Pregnant?" he sounded like he was fine, "As in…pregnant…with a baby?"

"What else would I be pregnant with? A 12-oz steak?"

"I mean," Kristopher was not the type who stuttered like a child, "you're pregnant? How?"

"Well, last I checked, there are a couple ways for me to get this way, but we did it the old-fashioned way."

Kristopher glared at his wife. "I know how it works, I just never thought this would be an issue."

"And you think I saw this coming?"

"No?"

"No, I didn't." She bit her lip. "Do you not want to…?"

"Sweetheart," Kristopher stopped her this time around, "I want whatever you want. But, I never really thought about it. Do you want a baby at our age?"

Neither one of them were exactly spring chickens, Kristopher in his mid-60s and convinced that he would die before he was 80. Still, a baby would be something that would make him want to live longer and it would be something they would share together.

"I don't know," Lisa answered. "I've always wondered what our son or daughter would be like."

"I can't say I haven't thought about it myself," Kristopher commented. "So…does that mean we're having a baby?"

"It could be our only chance to have one together."

Kristopher's expression changed to a smile. "I can't believe this."

Lisa started to laugh. "How do you think I feel?"

"I'm actually thinking about what Jack's gonna say when we tell him," Kristopher started laughing with his wife. "He's gonna shit a brick."

"That is so gross," Lisa slapped his arm, "But, I've got a feeling that Noah and Sarah are gonna do the same thing."

"How are we gonna tell them?" he asked.

"Jack's coming home from NYADA, right?" Lisa inquired.

"If Rachel can pry him out of his apartment," he answered. "I don't want to have to fake a heart attack to get him to just visit."

"And you wouldn't. He would never speak to you again if you did."

"I know that," Kristopher rolled his eyes, "I wouldn't blame him if he did, but I think Rachel has a better chance of getting him back here than I do."

Lisa hugged her husband, rubbing his back. "We'll work out the details later," she said, "I recall that you wanted something earlier."

"A new alias?"

Lisa pulled away from her husband and pursed her lips.

"Kidding," Kristopher said, kissing her. "Now, I think we have some celebrating to do."

"Well, Mr. Harmon," Lisa said flirtatiously, "I must warn you, I'm a married woman in delicate condition."

Kristopher snickered. "I guess I'll have to be gentle."

With that, the older man hoisted his wife up, carrying her bridal-style up the stairs.

**00000000**

**A/N: Not sure how I feel about this one, but I've wanted to put something new up for a while now. I wanted to show a little bit of Lisa and Kristopher without their children around and how they learned about Jamie's impending arrival. Also I got to try my hand at fluff, which I'm not really comfortable with, but try nonetheless.**

**Altogether, not my best work, but I'm, as always, gonna leave that for the readers to decide.**

**Signed**  
**Soulless Warlock**


End file.
